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Open Poetry #47
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The Mark
| Open Poetry #47 |
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The Mark |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana 
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she stood beside me waiting for the changing light young girl showing bare shoulders wearing a red splotch on her neck it spellbound me and I stared light turned green we stepped off the curb together were you burned on your neck? I had to ask took notice of her quick annoyance the mark of cain, she said we were on the other side of the street uh, a birthmark? I ventured to say she looked at me as though far away she set her mouth grim her eyes, dark as a narrow alley flounced her hair, ace-of-spades black turned to go wait, I said, I don’t understand with her back to me she spoke the mark of cain, beware simple fool she turned to look my way something about her something about her manner something about her made me turn from her and hurry down the street ~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~ |
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| © Copyright 2011 Jerry Pat Bolton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Throwing out the baited hook already! I'm biting...what's next? Lovin' it! Lori |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Oh, this isn't a continuation kind of poem, Lori, although I see the possibilities. Thanks, I see you are up early this morning also. ~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~ [This message has been edited by JerryPat2 (02-11-2011 07:33 AM).] |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
not seeing too well this morning Jerry, This is Lori.  |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
I wasn't only not seeing too well, Lori, I was half asleep. I had just woke up. Sorry. ~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~ [This message has been edited by JerryPat2 (02-11-2011 09:01 PM).] |
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bel1e Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631 |
oooou...spellbinding! loved it! |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Thanks, Baby Girl. Sometimes you never know who is standing beside you, huh? ~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~ |
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faithmairee Senior Member
since 2011-01-05
Posts 1441Poe Haven, USA |
chilling...you made the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight...excellent work, JerryPat There must be a poem in here somewhere. |
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easy1 Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209Southeastern USA |
Interesting write. Ham's wife, perhaps? |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Appreciate you words, Faith. <><><> Ham's wife she could very well have been, easy1. Thanks for being here. ~ There's nothing worse than desiring more than you are desired.--Justine Cook / "Portrait" ~ |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
If it's not a continuation, this would make a great gambit for an opening of a series. You've achieved all the right moves with this--captured my interest with intrigue, and illustrated just enough of two characters to make me wish their was a page to turn. Very nicely done, Jer. |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Hi, serenity. Although I had no idea of taking this further, after reading your comments (thank you for them) I have decided that the meeting as they are waiting for the light to change will actually take place in another form. I am getting ready to write a screenplay (forgive me for I know not what I do) about a young man's search for an answer to the question why does God allow young, innocent children to come down with horrible diseases, or treated so badly by parents, etc. He is not content with the old line, "God works in mysterious ways." He is determined to find an answer. I was going to write a novel about it, but I have been wanting to try my hand at a screenplay and I think this would be a good one to launch my new career with. And the gist of this poem will appear in the screenplay, with the possibility that my hero (Truman) and the woman will come to like one another. Thanks for making me feel I could use this. ~ There's nothing worse than desiring more than you are desired.--Justine Cook / "Portrait" ~ |
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s1nfully_1nn0c3nt Senior Member
since 2003-10-26
Posts 1105Watertown, NY |
"The mark of Cain" interesting indeed. Enjoyed. -Trina |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Hi Trina. Appreciate the read and comment. Glad you liked it. ~ There's nothing worse than desiring more than you are desired.--Justine Cook / "Portrait" ~ |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Enjoyed your poem immensely, Jerry. Just my tuppence-ha’penny worth. Smiles. God doesn’t “allow” it – just as a parent doesn’t “allow” something bad to be said/done to his/her children. God isn’t a controlling God. We have free choice as does the world, and the world takes its course. It is how we react to the world and to God that matters. As important as children are, you are just as important as an adult, as you were as a child. More smiles. Owl |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
You are not getting it, Owl. Children, young children, have no knowledge of anything except to eat and sleep. They have no choice, free or otherwise. they are pretty much skulls full of mush. The question is why doe God allow them to be subjected to horrible and painful diseases and to be tortured even by adults. Thy have no sense of right or wrong. They are absolutely innocent children. ~ There's nothing worse than desiring more than you are desired.--Justine Cook / "Portrait" ~ |
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