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Open Poetry #47
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graying1
Member
since 2011-02-09
Posts 53
The Commonwealth of VA

0 posted 2011-02-10 06:01 AM


She walks gracefully,
Gliding on stiletto heels,
So seductively.


(this is suppose to be a haiku
hope I got it right.)

© Copyright 2011 Peter Smith - All Rights Reserved
JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
1 posted 2011-02-10 07:10 AM


Actually it is a senryu, and you got it perfectly. The picture you painted with your words will be with me the rest of the day.

~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere
2 posted 2011-02-10 09:43 AM


Good one! And because you wrote it in red I'll bet all the guys are seeing her in a red dress too. The only reason it isn't called a haiku is because your poem didn't deal with nature. That is the only difference between the two.
Lori

graying1
Member
since 2011-02-09
Posts 53
The Commonwealth of VA
3 posted 2011-02-11 05:50 AM


Thanks for the correction,
I'll try to get one of those right
good to know it's some form
since I'm not up on those things.

as for the color
I really didn't think of the type as making a difference.
She usually wears black dresses

Peter

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
4 posted 2011-02-11 09:14 PM


Gotta hand it to her if she can walk in stilettos,

bonus points for seductively.  

faithmairee
Senior Member
since 2011-01-05
Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA
5 posted 2011-02-11 10:13 PM


Nice one, Peter...i enjoyed it!

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
6 posted 2011-02-15 06:01 PM


Enjoyed...James
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
7 posted 2011-02-15 09:21 PM


very nice! nicely done!

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