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Open Poetry #47
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Bird in Flight - Villanelle
| Open Poetry #47 |
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Bird in Flight - Villanelle |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana 
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I looked up and saw a bird all alone, So high in the sky I squinted to see, I had to wonder how far it had flown. I thought of myself and my happy home, Hoping the bird had a home just like me, I looked up and saw a bird all alone. Could it be that off course it had been blown, By a violent high wind over some sea? I had to wonder how far it had flown. As I watched it I thought I heard it moan, Or was that the call of the wild to flee, I looked up and saw a bird all alone. Gone from my sight, destination unknown, I only hoped it would find a safe tree, I had to wonder how far it had flown. As the bird flew I was chilled to the bone, Sadly I wished, like the bird to be free. I looked up and saw a bird all alone, I had to wonder just how far it had flown ~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~ |
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| © Copyright 2011 Jerry Pat Bolton - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
I Like this a lot Jerry. I wonder about birds too sometimes. I know it is silly but in the winter I think about their poor feet getting cold. Don't we all wish we could fly away once in a while...such is life. Lori |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Those feet probably don't get cold because they are actually not flesh (I don't think), but food is scarce in the winter, that bothers me some. Thanks, Lori for the comment. ~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~ |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
Interesting topic, Jerry, and one in which you handle well. SInce you are accepting critiques again, I would suggest that you follow a particular meter to make your poem smooth and more easily readable. probably around 90% of villanelles are written in iambic, although I have seen them done trochaically, along with anapestically. Regardless of the meter, the important thing is that it be carried throughout the poem. Villanelles depend on that flow. Best to you... |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Thanks for the advice, Balladeer, I will work on it. ~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~ |
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faithmairee Senior Member
since 2011-01-05
Posts 1441Poe Haven, USA |
What a wonderful poem! I feed all the neighborhood birds as well as having an indoor love bird. Love the subject of your poem. There must be a poem in here somewhere. |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Ah, a bird feeder. Would that there were more like you. Thank you for being here, Faith. ~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~ |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Ah Jerry... Just yesterday morn the geese were flying north... but upon my return home in the afternoon...? They were flying south again.... I enjoyed this. Good job! |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Hah! Silly geese, huh. I just saw a Joel Gray (do you remember him?) like I've never seen him before. I think it was his first television performance. Check it out. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KUUMpgrsMME ~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~ |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
nice write, Jerry...I love the ones that can lift you out of where you are and put you right there with the writer...like you were able to do with this one |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
That is what we write for, isn't it, steavenr? To be able to connect. Thank you for making my day, my friend. ~ Some people are like a Slinky -- not really good for anything -- but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs. ~ |
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