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Open Poetry #45

Internal Torture

SlowlyFallAway
Member

since 2008-08-29

Posts 279
North Carolina

0 posted 2009-12-23 04:05 PM

I couldn't force myself to believe that what I was seeing was true
All these hidden lies, now exposed on the screen in front of me
Every sin was so easily accessible, thousands of labeled pages waiting for me to open
About every time "my everything" went wrong

This dream I had gave me another darkened view of this viewpoint I'd die to lose
It's just me, and I'm well aware, but I have to decide if the tension it causes daily is worth the fight
The hair stands up on my arms, and my stomach rises up towards my chest
They don't understand, I'm haunted every time I open my eyes
Because of the nightmares I've dreamt while they were closed

I promise myself I would rather not know
About the events that unfold in front of him
Maybe I'd be much better off
If I stopped caring, to begin with

But I was never the one to find a happy median
It's one or the other, right and wrong, black or white
These tricks I play on my own mind, they're worse than any trauma anyone has ever put me through
Honestly

I'd like to say I never felt sick, like I wanted to give up everything
And fade away into the state of mind that consisted of nothing
I'd like to say this is me, it's been me the whole time
And you'll have to believe that I can't change my forbidden opinion
Why would I?
Because you'll never understand?

Just keep in mind
At least you're not the only one on your side
And when everything falls apart, you'll still have your insults

Those little things you took from me
Hoping I would see things your way
So that we could get along again, maybe fall in love again
But you never gave a second glance
You never offered a steady hand

To help me see a better side
Of our dehumanizing culture
I'll lie alone from here on out
In my own internal torture

Emily Shives
12/20/09

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