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Open Poetry #45
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Stuck Inside Myself (input/feedback please:)!)
| Open Poetry #45 |
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Stuck Inside Myself (input/feedback please:)!) |
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therightside Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 64USA |
Hallow longing served only by lackless persistence Unachievable, my happiness; so vividly unclear Wants and desires contrary to genuine need; pursued without effort that may exceed cerebral means Confused assurance of self-owned ailments precede an unused, only assumed cure Assertive desire to alleviate my thoughts; taunting and mocking they chase me, they trip me, they tie me to myself I'm irrational, I make sense. I am found in being lost. I barely get by A life coasts before me as I cruise control my mind False self-worth, false self-confidence, falsely self-assured... False SELF Accusations of my own ghosts, hauntingly hypocritical words; spoken of a jealous tongue I run, I can not hide; I distract, I still haunt my own mind Assess, diagnose. Internalize, fear Fear loss of my excuses as actions demand me Consequences deemed unbearable; reality, unfathomed A destiny seemingly uncertain in the mythical hands of joy I feast my comfort food, default to my soul's misuse Forgive me? Too kind. Undeserved, unexpected Excuses, my glue, barely hold together the most broken of souls I am broken [This message has been edited by therightside (12-11-2009 12:34 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2009 therightside - All Rights Reserved | |||
Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Welcome to PiP. I have to admit, I am a bit at a loss as it is really still very early here. I am not sure that I can write a response for such a deep poem before breakfast. There are lines that I really liked in your poem and I'd pull them out to quote them, but I am running short on time. However, I did want you to know that I stopped in and read. I'll come back tonight and try to write more. Alison |
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therightside Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 64USA |
thank you so much, I really appreciate any input, as this is the first poem I have ever written. look forward to further input if you have the time  |
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BYG New Member
since 2009-11-16
Posts 6 |
not sure if you want me to read you or critic your poetic style |
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BYG New Member
since 2009-11-16
Posts 6 |
You are able to express yourself with words very well .... If this is about yourself and you want my input on the findings of your reflection.... then I can give that too x |
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therightside Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 64USA |
Any input is welcomed and appreciated. |
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ctowen Member Elite
since 2001-10-18
Posts 2286Green Mountains of VT |
I like to read "inward" words, I think they can help us even read ourselves when we find it difficult. I get a sort of "binding" or tightness as I read the lines, almost at times as if you are gasping, stuck with the transitions you face. We tend to do such when we look too long within and, perhaps, that may make us feel "stuck" in a sense. I enjoyed the read and glance into this inward battle that appears to be both dominate and submissive in its direction. ... take a breath, it is well deserved! CT |
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BYG New Member
since 2009-11-16
Posts 6 |
What are you fighting ? Why be everything that's not you, when your soul cries out for you to be true to yourself. The thing is your living a lie and this is self destructive. Your world is built on false foundations pull one piece out and you fear it all will come tumbling down.... fear is your keeper... sometimes we have to confront our fears to set us free. I say be true to your heart ... go beyond your comfort zone because that's the only way your going meet the real you.knock down that house and start re- building it again... this time with firm foundations. You will be happy with what replaces it because your hearts not in what you currently have or see reflecting back in the mirror . xxx |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Welcome to Passions. Nice flow to this work; compelling, the things we seek but do not need. Perhaps they are more tangible and less daunting than the process of uncovering what cannot be seen. You conjured the thought that we are more than the sum of what we have...or what we own...bitten lip, shallow breath, that time when our own mind becomes a prison. You wrote these sensations very well. |
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therightside Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 64USA |
thank you for all the feedback, it is much appreciated. the place from which this was written was during one of my low episodes, I have bi-polar disease. if read knowing that perspective it may make a bit more sense. |
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therightside Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 64USA |
BYG your words are both insightful and encouraging, I greatly appreciate your time and thoughts, you have a kind soul, thank you |
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The Lady Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634The Southwest |
profound work and I too could pull exceptional lines from it... you have done well. knowing you are bi-polar does not add to the meaning for me every poem needs to stand on its own without explanation and this one does. |
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Laverne Pacquire Member
since 2009-11-15
Posts 96 |
this piece is a jigsaw puzzle to me..there are things I don't understand and can't piece together. the length of this is impressive. but the content has me confused and scratching my head. I can't figure out how the title works either. keep writing its good practice... |
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therightside Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 64USA |
To clarify line by line; An unrealistic need only answered with a persistence unwilling to realistically exist. My happiness is beyond reach however I have complete awareness of its existence. What I have convinced myself that I want is contrary to what my soul really needs... yet I pursue these wants, however not only beyond my dreams (cerebral means - means beyond my mind). A misinturpreted confidence in the awareness of my problems lead my mind to cures of my problems, although they are only assumed solutions. A true desire to get rid of my thoughts, they consume me to my core. I accuse others of my own misconceptions, hipocritical in every word, I haunt myself, I accuse because I am jealous. I can't get away from my own thoughts. I contemplate my thoughts, I realize my own demons. I keep to myself, I become fearful. I fear losing the ability to make excuses because the consequences of my prior actions are comanding my response.he consequenses of my actions are too much to confront, the reality of where i find myself, so much i cant accept. a future of which i am undeserving belongs only in fairy-tale stories, not reality. I rely on what I am used to (my comfort food) and unfortunately, fall back on the misuse of my soul. I don't forgive anyone's forgiveness, much less, my own. My excuses are what hold me together, and without them, I am a hallow soul... because I am broken. far before now. and the title, becuase within my thoughts, within the restraints that have become who I am and who everyone expects me to be, I am stuck in who I am, however far that may be from who I really am.... whoever that may be. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Please understand that however this comes out, I mean well. I am not “all there” or here or anywhere at the moment, because I needed to have my beloved dog put down for her sake three days ago – she had kidney failure – and I am devastated beyond description. For this reason, I am not able to put thoughts or words together very well, but I think I may be able to help a little. I had a wonderful boss who was bipolar. I am the last person to give this advice, because right now I am very wrapped up in my own despair (not just about my darling doggy) so I have no right to suggest you do what I can’t, but it may still help. Just one idea for the moment - if you want to discuss it, I would find it easier by email – you will be able to email me from the email option on this response. I would have emailed you, but you didn’t make that option available. The idea is to look around you and gauge somebody who is really in need of something – a visit, a smile, a kind word, a cup of tea made by somebody else, an old jersey of yours that you no longer want, money in exchange for a small job done such as washing your car, whatever you really think that person really needs, and for that moment, you will not be stuck inside yourself, and you will feel a strange warmth, that you may wish to repeat whenever you can. I can’t even reply to the poetry of old friends right now, let alone anything else, so as I said, I am the last person to give this advice. Hoping this helps a little Owl |
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therightside Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 64USA |
I appreciate your trying to help, and your words are kind. However, I wrote this poem and seek advice or feedback on the poem itself, not really in regards to my personal life. The only reason I stated I was bi-polar was that one of the replies asked "what are you fighting" and what I was fighting was my illness. I do give back, I do help others, and I don't always feel like is stated in this poem. I don't always feel stuck inside myself... that's the tihng with bi=polar, its up and down all the time. Thank you for your support but I would like any further replies to be simply about my work in this poem. I am very sorry to hear about your dog, that is such a terrible thing to have to do, I will say a prayer for you and I wish for you peace of mind that your beloved dog will suffer no more now. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Sorry, if I offended you. I misunderstood your reply to BYG. Thanks for the prayers for my dog. Owl |
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