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my love
| Open Poetry #45 |
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my love |
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naturegirl Member
since 2009-09-30
Posts 168England 
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I lay languidly by your side My thoughts scattered, disarmed and flushed Sweet drowsy dreams,though still awake You sweep away my inner pain Soothing and calming my fragile ego I was lost, now I'm claimed. Captivated and snared, my wayward soul A bird before an open cage Refusing to fly, my haven laying Beside you, safe, warm and secure Who breaks these bonds, not I Your blue eyes pierce my reverie Iwas half, now I'm whole. |
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| © Copyright 2009 julie graham - All Rights Reserved | |||
Mysteria 
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328British Columbia, Canada |
It is funny how we think that we are complete without another half. You wrote it well. |
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Lamar Cole Member
since 2009-05-01
Posts 274 |
Very sweet poem. |
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Klassy Lassy Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187Oregon |
This reminds me that love keeps what belongs to it, and a bird will linger where sustenance and sunlight nourish it's song...lovely tender baskings here, nature girl, and no longer a need for the cage. Karen (suggestion: drop the 'ing' from the words "soothing and calming" for more continuity with the previous line...and the same for tense in this line... "my haven lies beside you")  |
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naturegirl Member
since 2009-09-30
Posts 168England |
hi karen, thanks for the critique, i am still very new to writing but will watching my tenses in future.lol. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Impressive...James |
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