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Open Poetry #45
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RC Langill
Member
since 2008-03-09
Posts 104


0 posted 2009-10-24 01:06 AM


waiting . . .

bare twigs
sketch themselves into the sky.
leaves still bound to branches
thin and fade.
only death
releases them
to mount the wind
and fly


© Copyright 2009 RC Langill - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2009-10-24 09:05 AM


Very vivid autumn scene!

Love,
Margherita

RC Langill
Member
since 2008-03-09
Posts 104

2 posted 2009-10-24 10:34 AM


Thank you Margherta.
Playing this over a bit, I think this change to line 4:

waiting . . .

bare twigs
sketch themselves into the sky.
leaves still bound to branches
fade and die.
only death
releases them
to mount the wind
and fly.

connects better to the closing.

Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
3 posted 2009-10-24 01:38 PM


I was looking at just that scene out my window here.   Nicely done.

    
Sláinte mhaith!
Mysteria

suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
4 posted 2009-10-26 11:15 AM


Vivid image! *S* I like this very much!
Midnitesun
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Member Empyrean
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647
Gaia
5 posted 2009-10-26 07:09 PM


I agree with the change, RC, it improves the read.
BRRRR! It's that time of year again in the  northern hemisphere.

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
6 posted 2009-10-28 09:09 AM


nicely poetic, a very enjoyable moment.

yann

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