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Open Poetry #45
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The Mechanic
| Open Poetry #45 |
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The Mechanic |
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precise New Member
since 2009-10-15
Posts 4GA, USA |
The Mechanic In front of these eyes house an arena of storytelling Is Mechanisms cant always fix what you want Longevity of life despite power once its gone, you are gone This precious soul to be lived on and on, not told to experience You must first try optimal skill once emotion is masked to criticize Allowing new mold corrections, individualism facing tough stuff Hungry, left are whole tribes Only to fend for one cause and effect produce action Reaction starts with cause and through a pause Micro bursts shower energies allowing sedated like vibes As specific elements visualize this united synergy like a mirage, The eyes optimize smooth as a whistle and of course transcribe, Morph, shed skins, rendering blossom adaptation You go for everything as I uniquely specialize www.preciseworks.com [This message has been edited by precise (10-16-2009 01:01 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2009 Keith Brown - All Rights Reserved | |||
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AncientHippie Member
since 2009-10-15
Posts 411Surfing the Cosmic Flow |
Hello Precise. First of all, you should be aware that your poem is having trouble with the HTML editor. Try correcting it according to the formatting guidelines. Once I got past the distraction of the html errors, I found a very energetic poem, full of feeling, and caged emotion. This strong piece would benefit from some line/stanza breaks, as the emotions contained therein make the reader want to pause to catch his breath. Nice start to your postings on this form. I look forward to more. Sutra 93: Do not speak to me of Reality: it is a personal concept that varies with the Observer. |
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precise New Member
since 2009-10-15
Posts 4GA, USA |
I think I have fixed the html issue....glad you like the energy Ancienthippie |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
Hey P! Welcome, I really liked it, too and agree with AH on chopping up the lines. The more I read it, the more I liked it. I'm overly fond of lines breaks because I'm not particularly fond of punctuation. Keep them coming!~L |
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