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dragngrl28
Junior Member

since 2009-10-12

Posts 45
Texas, USA

0 posted 2009-10-13 04:42 PM

It is only mere plastic.
But it coaxes both love and hate from me.

I stare at it intently.
Trying to force a response.

It sits silent.
In a quiet rebellion.

Laying within the wires
is some part of my self-worth.

Smashing it will not reclaim
the part of me that has been bred
to lie in wait...

Wait for the sweet response
that will detain the dark melancholy.

It does not ring.
Damn phone!
I changed up the original structure and added breaks and punctuation.

N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet
Member

since 2009-07-30

Posts 360
New Orleans

1 posted 2009-10-13 05:09 PM

Beautifully captured.

hafrock
Junior Member

since 2009-10-10

Posts 34
India

2 posted 2009-10-13 05:16 PM

Caught unawares..nice one dragngrl

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member

since 2009-03-11

Posts 1257
Louisiana

3 posted 2009-10-13 05:28 PM

And they get smaller as their hold over us gets bigger.

I liked all these lines the best:

Smashing it will not reclaim
the part of me that has been bred
to lie in wait...

Wait for the sweet response
that will detain the dark melancholy.

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

4 posted 2009-10-13 07:20 PM

hello?! Ditto. I loved those lines too. Good call! LOL

dragngrl28
Junior Member

since 2009-10-12

Posts 45
Texas, USA

5 posted 2009-10-13 08:20 PM

Thank you for the kind responses

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

6 posted 2009-10-14 10:00 AM

Laying within the wires
is some part of my self-worth.

Smashing it will not reclaim
the part of me that has been bred
to lie in wait...

Wait for the sweet response
that will detain the dark melancholy.

Oh, how very true!!! I swear mine hates me. *G* And then it finally rings... and it's a telemarketer. LOL Enjoyed this... welcome to Passions! *S*

dragngrl28
Junior Member

since 2009-10-12

Posts 45
Texas, USA

7 posted 2009-10-15 01:09 AM

Thank you for the welcome suthern.

I hear you about the telemarketers. I'm waiting for job interview calls but everyone else calls instead

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

8 posted 2009-10-15 06:25 PM

Enjoyed...you can call...you know that...you can call and inquire why calls are not returned...perhaps the person is busy calling someone else who they are more interested in...James

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