You Grieve my Heart (villanelle)

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Suncleaver
Member

since 2009-01-18

Posts 481
Stafford England

0 posted 2009-09-09 04:26 AM

Forever close, you grieve my heart,
Your tender whispers, secrets bared,
Forever mine to tear apart.

Your body's tapestry, my art,
I etch my lust in passions shared,
Forever close, you grieve my heart.

Your innocence, you dared impart
In desperation, soul ensnared,
Forever mine to tear apart.

You claimed you loved me from the start
Of womanhood, I always cared,
Forever close, you grieve my heart.

I cannot claim devotion's part,
Your teary eyes of blue, you stared,
Forever mine to tear apart.

Entwined, your tears upon me smart,
Your gentleness, your judgement spared,
Forever close, you grieve my heart,
Forever mine to tear apart.

'Wailing voices on the wind, urging me to turn. Distant tortured screams. Cold blue fires burn'.

ESHA SEN GUPTA
Member

since 2009-09-01

Posts 108
Maharashtra,India

1 posted 2009-09-09 07:18 AM

Today I think God wants me to learn a lesson ,all the poems I have till now were a reminder of what I had done yours has gone straight to my heart and pointed out just what I had done.I am ashamed your poem has taught me humility,I will look forward to reading you .

Love Esha

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

2 posted 2009-09-09 07:39 PM

Fine writing...James

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 2009-09-09 08:26 PM

Folks, this is a perfect villanelle...

LindsayP
Member Elite

since 2007-07-28

Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria

4 posted 2009-09-09 09:58 PM

Well written, well done my friend.

Lindsay

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean

since 2002-08-27

Posts 40215
Realms of Light

5 posted 2009-09-10 11:42 AM

Luke, I agree with Balladeer! (but then, I usually do!

) ~ "This is a perfect villanelle"!!! I find this to be the most difficult poetic form in which to write and you have just done it masterfully! ~ Both in content and form!

Great writing, my friend!

Love 'n hugs,
Linda

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant

since 2000-01-29

Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

6 posted 2009-09-10 11:53 AM

"Folks, this is a perfect villanelle..."

well I do not know what a villanelle is but I agree that i like it very much..

Bisous du Paris
RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural

7 posted 2009-09-10 05:12 PM

Wonderful attempt! ~ I've never tried to write one of these,

nor will I ever want to, at least for now. I'm always open for different writing styles, but I might just stick with the Haiku, rhyming and free versus at the moment, heh.

ARCTIC WIND

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

8 posted 2009-09-10 07:20 PM

enjoyed

Falling rain

Member Elite

since 2008-01-31

Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois

9 posted 2009-09-10 07:35 PM

Captivating..

-Zach

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member

since 2008-02-28

Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA

10 posted 2009-09-10 11:26 PM

And, a beautiful villanelle it is!

sruthisupriya
New Member

since 2009-09-10

Posts 2
Kerala, India

11 posted 2009-09-10 11:54 PM

Hi, honestly, i think that in your attempt to make it a perfect villanelle, you lost a bit of its charm. I find that the strength tapers off and the emotions are stuck. Its good though.

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