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Open Poetry #45
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Chalmette Guy
Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257
Louisiana

0 posted 2009-07-06 08:38 AM


Thy beauty in no way can be measured
Nor upon any earthly tongue described
For thy image shall be as one treasured
Where burned forever thy image inscribed

Deeper than surface beauty thou possess
Far greater what wonders there may be found
Diving down among the truest of depths
Where the chorus of thy beauty resound

A certain something one cannot define
That which unspoken, brings to thee such grace
Perfected within someone of like mind
Where the many lines of thy beauty trace

The light of thy smile speaks volumes for thee
Of wherein lies the strength of thy beauty

© Copyright 2009 Chalmette Guy - All Rights Reserved
SEA
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Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676
with you
1 posted 2009-07-06 10:01 AM


"Deeper than surface beauty thou possess
Far greater what wonders there may be found
Diving down among the truest of depths
Where the chorus of thy beauty resound"

lovely

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
2 posted 2009-07-06 10:41 AM


quote:
A certain something one cannot define
That which unspoken, brings to thee such grace



But you defined it beautifully! You show a deep sensitivity with this captivating write.

Love,
Margherita

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257
Louisiana
3 posted 2009-07-06 10:43 AM


Thank you Susan, and thank you Margherita.
Very nice of you to say this.

A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart
4 posted 2009-07-06 01:03 PM


~beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and you have described beauty well~true beauty that comes from the heart!

~ARH

Dreamer05
Junior Member
since 2009-06-23
Posts 30
Kansas
5 posted 2009-07-06 03:04 PM


Very well writen. I like the abab rhyme scheme. How do you do rhyming so well? Anytime I try to rhyme it just comes out sounding corny and dumb. Maybe I just need to increase my vocabulary. Anyway, I would like to see your last stanza match your first three. Matching as in having four lines and having the same rhyme scheme. That's the only thing I would change. Otherwise its a wonderful piece of work. Great job!


~Dreamer05~

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257
Louisiana
6 posted 2009-07-06 03:21 PM


Thank you millette.

And Dreamer, thanks. I just think in rhymes so it comes out that way. I have to not think in order to not rhyme if that makes sense. And the last two lines are like that because it is a sonnet style. Probably a basturdized(admin won't let me spell it right) sonnet though. I can never nail them right on the head.

Dreamer05
Junior Member
since 2009-06-23
Posts 30
Kansas
7 posted 2009-07-06 03:26 PM


Sonnet style? I'm not sure what that is. I'm not all that familiar with the mechanics of poetry. I only know the little bit I learned way back when in high school English class. But if thats the way its meant to be then thats cool. I guess I learned something new today.


~Dreamer05~

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257
Louisiana
8 posted 2009-07-06 03:29 PM


Like I said, I am no expert.
Especially on stressed syllables and all that.
But basically it's: abab cdcd efef gg


A Romantic Heart
Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-03
Posts 5496
Forever In Your Heart
9 posted 2009-07-06 05:46 PM


expert or not...I like the feelings and emotions, the passion in them...

~ARH

SeraphimBroken
Member
since 2009-03-09
Posts 74
USA
10 posted 2009-07-06 06:00 PM


Beautifully expressed. Such a wonderful union of emotion and thought transformed into the written word. I loved this.
Tiffiena
Junior Member
since 2009-07-03
Posts 19

11 posted 2009-07-06 10:04 PM


This was wonderful! I really enjoyed it =)
brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
12 posted 2009-07-06 10:36 PM



~dear jerry...

yes...very nice rhyme scheme and beautiful words

~s  


Tara Simms Hall
Member
since 2001-11-07
Posts 87
South Carolina
13 posted 2009-07-06 10:52 PM


Oh, you do poetry so well (in whatever form)!  It reminds me of Lord Byron's "She walks in beauty..." (the most romantic, gorgeous piece of poetry EVER written).  I absolutely love this!

Tara

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