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unboundpoetess
Member
since 2008-05-24
Posts 477


0 posted 2009-07-04 01:46 PM




I walked first, you know
even though you were older
and the sun watched
you splashing at the water's edge
and I in my soggy pants
the time before Little Swimmers
making nowhere circles
we ate together at the little table
my chubby legs
your diaper and cowboy boots

wasn't long before we were running
away from Granny mostly
when you had the BB gun
intent on the forest squirrels
and me staying behind
just because I was a girl
but I swore I could be one for a day
a boy with you down below the pasture
you said I could be a girl
later to skin and cook

they almost called the police
two five year olds alone and gone
the river was swollen from days of rain and rowdy
and you were not afraid
climbing out over the river on that huge branch
promising to catch fish
so we wouldn't starve after dark
and I cried girl tears
afraid you would be swept away
and again later
when we were spanked then hugged tight
for daring to slip away to the river
we didn't know how to swim
you said I made a bad boy

and had no inkling of the years ahead
when we would be together again
drowning in addictions
or of the day I offered you a branch
that you would refuse to take

always tempting the universe
your bungee jumps and hotel dives
from the third floor into the pool
you laughing at me for being afraid
because the roof wasn't as far
from the trampoline as I thought
and years went by
and I dared you to do better
weeping those girl tears all over your lap
you were mad as hell but too unsteady to fight
when I wouldn't let go of your hands
but I knew you well enough
that you didn't want me to recognize your fear

so I thought of you today
when there were 12 candles on your motorcycle cake
and the lifeguard's whistle around your neck
you bragging about how you always got to see
fireworks over the ocean on your birthday
and that my husband said I shouldn't have
when I went to the open bag
and kissed your cheek
with your eyes closed that way

as more time ticks by I hope
to become more eloquent
shaping the memory of you into something smooth
birthing the poem that has been lead in my chest
for three terrible years now
but in the smoke of your 34 candles
this is all I can bear to give

Love you always,
(I know, I'm such a girl)
Heather

© Copyright 2009 Heather - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2009-07-04 04:10 PM


Oh, dear Heather, this is extremely heartwrenching, you have honored his memory in such a poignant way. It is difficult to realize that a life long friend who had always lived victoriously facing danger, suddenly, too late, learns that he is vulnerable too.

You wrote this with your heart and with your mastery of words and I felt all your deep emotions.

Love and hugs.
Margherita

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
2 posted 2009-07-04 04:24 PM


Heather

I just sat at my keyboard, hands in my lap and thought.  This is beautiful - heartwrenching and so beautiful.  Thank you for writing it and sharing.

I had a brother. He was a year and a half older than me.  He put little fish on my line and told me I caught them.  I believed him.  We ran like wild children, he and I.  I miss him lots.

I felt your poem in my bones.

Alison

Heart2Heart
Senior Member
since 2009-05-15
Posts 738
Scotland/Norway
3 posted 2009-07-04 05:49 PM


I am very moved at the heart-rending message in this very fine tribute.  
Heart2Heart

Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 2001-03-07
Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada
4 posted 2009-07-04 06:09 PM


What a wonderful gift of memory to the "boy" now a man, and a brother.  I hope  you will continue to write about your memories, as this is what keeps us alive long after we are gone.  Happy 4th of July to you, and Happy Birthday wishes go out as well.

Well done indeed, and waiting for more.

Carpe' Diem,
Mysteria

unboundpoetess
Member
since 2008-05-24
Posts 477

5 posted 2009-07-05 10:38 AM


Thank you so much, all of you.

I loved the fish story Alison! What a doll he was.

Cameron was actually my first cousin and the closest to a brother I ever had. He was older by 4 months. We were always side by side.

If he was Andy, I was Raggedy Ann.

I appreciate your comments and the warm of your hugs.

Love,
Heather

Bill Charles
Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
6 posted 2009-07-05 11:37 PM


Heather - my goodness, this is so emotionally touching. I can't find enough words to express my feelings when I read this. You brought back some similar memories. Well done, very gracious, and very powerful write...

BC

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
7 posted 2009-07-05 11:39 PM



~heathergirl...

i, too, sat here spellbound in your story with tears in my eyes...

bless you,  
love,
s


unboundpoetess
Member
since 2008-05-24
Posts 477

8 posted 2009-07-07 08:16 PM


Thank you Bill. I know we have all felt loss.

Dearest Shel
TY for the blessings, sweetness.

Love you guys.
H

angellea
Member
since 2009-03-29
Posts 144
NC, USA
9 posted 2009-07-17 11:53 AM


you know i love everything you write, but this is your best ever. my absolute favorite. you did good, honey. :-)

love,
me

unboundpoetess
Member
since 2008-05-24
Posts 477

10 posted 2009-07-17 12:36 PM


Thank you sweetangel, and for being with me through everything

then and now...

I love you.

Heart hugs,
H

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