Meter's Triumph (I'm struggling with using a set type of meter in my poetry)

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Open Poetry #45

Meter's Triumph (I'm struggling with using a set type of meter in my poetry)

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

0 posted 2009-06-30 10:51 PM

Feeling quite defeated
Confidence depleted
Rhythm is not meted
My doom is completed

Arana Darkwolf

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-25

Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

1 posted 2009-06-30 11:05 PM

Yo dear Arana,

This little poem works for me.

Love Bobby

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

2 posted 2009-07-01 04:32 PM

Thank you, Bobby

Arana Darkwolf

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

3 posted 2009-07-02 12:30 PM

You're getting better, Arana!

In this example, though, your first three lines begin trochaic and the last one iambic....gotta watch that!

hint: If you were to change the last line to "Doom is now completed", it would be perfect.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

4 posted 2009-07-02 01:09 AM

Hey girly girl,

Nice poem. We are lucky to have Balladeer help us - maybe you should go through his lessons in the poetry workshop systematically as they build on each other. Also, I'd spend some time on the comments he has made to others who struggled (like me). There's a wealth of information he has shared.

Keep it up and don't give up.

xoxoxo
Z

OldPoet
Member

since 2009-06-30

Posts 112
The Left Coast

5 posted 2009-07-02 01:51 AM

And so it goes. There's no evidence here of adherence to metre. One must write a much longer poem to show that. But I do like it.

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

6 posted 2009-07-02 04:42 AM

enjoyed the battle with inspiration, short and efficient poem....keep on the great work.

yann

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