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Open Poetry #45
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Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia

0 posted 2009-06-25 06:58 AM




Scene 1
Driving home
Head Lights on
Seat belt secure
Music playing
Weather clear
Traffic flowing
Happy thoughts

Scene 2
Tempo changes
Brakes screeching
Metal crunching
Loud crash
Louder bang
Everything slows
People dazed
Details given
Lights flashing
Vehicles towed

Scene 3
Distress and shock
Envelopes me
leaving nowhere to go
but here...


© Copyright 2009 Roniece Dawson-Bruce - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2009-06-25 07:08 AM


Dear Roniece, hope you are fine! I missed your presence here, so I am glad you have come back. Your poem describes shock so well.

Nowhere to go? Thank you for coming here ... remembering that friendship is always alive here.

Even when we are well equipped, sometimes the circumstances unfold in unexpected ways.

(((((Roniece)))))

Love and hugs.
Margherita

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
2 posted 2009-06-25 07:19 AM


Margherita.. dear Margherita.. thank you so much, with your help I have now added the closing lines to this poem.

I know I have been absent from PiP due only to work commitments.. but you are all still in my heart and mind.. always lovely to come home

love and hugs to you dear friend
RDB xx

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
3 posted 2009-06-25 07:52 AM


ms r&b..so is it true what they say about women drivers?  grin...glad you are ok lady!!
inkedgoddess
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-11-19
Posts 7392
Ohio
4 posted 2009-06-25 08:33 AM


glad you're arriving safe and sound, though it appears you had to steer straight to get back again
secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
5 posted 2009-06-25 09:04 AM


very effective 'slice of reality' write.

['life' can certainly turn on one in an
   instant]

well done!

Robert E. Jordan
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541
Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
6 posted 2009-06-25 10:03 AM


Yo dear RDB,

It sounds like you had one of those hiway adventures.  I'm pleased you made it through okay, and in one piece.

Love Bobby

Earth Angel
Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
7 posted 2009-06-25 10:37 AM


What a terrifying experience! Thank God-ness that you came through it intact! ~ even if your poor car didn't!

This was not exactly the come-back poem that I would have expected! But it sure was a powerhouse one! Succinct and with 'impact'!

Welcome home, RDB! You've been missed!


Lindylou

Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA
8 posted 2009-06-25 10:43 AM


Roniece, you know very well you have to watch out for those 'roos on the road!

Hope it's just a poem and not an actual event...missing you.

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
9 posted 2009-06-25 05:46 PM


Thank goodness you're okay...I had to read through the responses to know.

Bless you, sweetheart...

sometimes we have to have a bug's eyes to see what's going on around us!




Artic Wind
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 8080
Realm of Supernatural
10 posted 2009-06-25 05:49 PM


RONIECE!!!!!!!

You've been missed! ~ Sorry to hear what happened. I am so glad to hear that you are okay!


ARCTIC WIND

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
11 posted 2009-06-25 06:36 PM


Thank you all so much for your lovely responses...  I had a vehicle accident on my way home 2 nights ago.. I am ok just suffered some bruising but nothing serious. This is my first piece of writing for many months, I guess the shock of the accident jolted my writing skills again!   

to all...  RDB xx

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

LindsayP
Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410
Australia, Victoria
12 posted 2009-06-25 09:31 PM



Driving home
Head Lights on
Seat belt secure
Music playing
Weather clear
Traffic flowing
Happy thoughts

Dear Roniece, this first verse sounds like the Roniece I know and I was dissappointed
that you had to have an accident to bring

you back to us, but thankfully you have not been badly hurt. We have all missed you my

dear, so it was very pleasing to see you posting again. Keep up the good work and no more accidents please. Love to you my friend

Lindsay

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member
since 2008-02-28
Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA
13 posted 2009-06-25 10:52 PM


Roniece, I have missed you so much. I am so glad you decided to come here. Welcome Back!
BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
14 posted 2009-06-25 11:15 PM


Wow....Scarry!   Made for a great poem though!  
Funny how our muse shows up when we least expect it, huh!!
Glad you are ok, RDB~

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
15 posted 2009-06-26 07:31 AM


Put me right there in the seat!  Very first person.  Happens just like that...one moment serene, the next horrific...but you walked away and THAT'S what counts!!

j.

HAZARD
Junior Member
since 2009-06-24
Posts 40
ENGLAND
16 posted 2009-06-26 07:57 AM


I liked this simply stated slice of life. A poem which turns an ordinary day into a traumatic one, albeit an unpleasant accident.

In the 2nd stanza after the line -Tempo changes - I would have tried throwing the poetic cadence out of joint - a discordant flux of words (yet understandable).
Then back to the first stanzas clickety click for the last stanza. This would highlight the plight, the sudden change and also point perhaps to a 'road to damascus' moment. Which has once more surfaced serenity and poetry in your life. A few posters seem to be saying something similar.

Yet I fear the hands of fate have brought you their gifts at a high price...

I'm new so cannot welcome you back - but I do wish you all the best with your work.

Hazard.

Roniece Dawson-Bruce
Member Ascendant
since 2000-01-29
Posts 5689
Sydney, Australia
17 posted 2009-06-26 08:11 AM


Thank you Hazard I do appreciate your constructive critique of my work and thank you for your kind wishes.  RDB

Be kind at heart....for everyone you meet has their own battle to fight.........

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
18 posted 2009-06-28 10:34 PM


RDB,

Sweetie, I felt like I was riding shot-gun.  I am so happy that you are okay, but I know how scarey these accidents can be.

Welcome back.  I hate it when you go away for too long.

Ali-girl

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
19 posted 2009-06-29 06:19 AM


Hi Roniece, So glad to see you back. Sorry about your accident. Hope everything is okay.
I have missed you and your lovely poetry.
                               Love,
                                  Ida

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