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Open Poetry #45

Do You Care That I Cry?

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

0 posted 2009-06-21 06:10 PM

Do you care
That I cry?
Do you see
The smile my tears belie?
Do you mean it
When you say "goodbye"?
Do you want me
To forget you bye and bye?

Do you care
That I cry?
Do you see
Rivers of tears running dry?
Do you mean it
When you push me outside?
Do you want me
To smile and lie?

Do you care
That I cry?
Do you see
My heart a little bit dies?
Do you mean it
When you say that you tried?
Do you want me
To go away and fly?

Do you care
That I cry?

Arana Darkwolf

Dreamer05
Junior Member

since 2009-06-23

Posts 30
Kansas

1 posted 2009-06-23 05:12 PM

This is nice. I sometimes wonder if people care if I cry or not. Some people just seem so heartless these days. What happened to the days of old when people cared more about each other than themselves? Some of the rhyming sounds a little bit forced but otherwise I like it. I wish I could suggest how to improve it, but I'm not really sure. All in all, a good one.

~Dreamer05~

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

2 posted 2009-06-23 07:37 PM

Thank you. I rather appreciate the constructive criticism. I often wonder, too, whatever happened to people wanting to be there for others, just for the sake of being there?

Arana Darkwolf

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

3 posted 2009-06-28 10:12 PM

Hi Rachael,

Sounds like some sad times. It's good to write the poems and help let it all out.

Alison

Oklahoma Rose
Senior Member

since 2008-02-28

Posts 1586
Oklahoma USA

4 posted 2009-06-29 07:01 AM

This sure brings back memories for me. I don't think they do care, if we cry. Or, they wouldn't do the things they do that cause those tears.

MinSW
Member

since 2009-06-14

Posts 53
Sri Lanka

5 posted 2009-06-29 11:02 AM

beautifully written..
love it..

hugs,
Min

rachaelfuchsberger

Senior Member

since 2007-02-21

Posts 609
Las Vegas, NV

6 posted 2009-06-29 01:20 PM

Z, thanks for your comment. Loves and hugs.

Oklahoma Rose, I know it often feels like nobody cares, but I found that in those times is when you discover who does care.

Min, thank you for the compliment.

Arana Darkwolf

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