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Open Poetry #45
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Triskaidekaphobia
Member
since 2003-02-05
Posts 251
In a state of disrepair...

0 posted 2009-06-13 11:41 PM


I'd miss your pillow made of lifelines
That conquers night's embrace.
So cold, this bed without you
And how deep the water's face.

I'd miss your dreaming flutters
While lying by your side
Soft sleep's image as a beauty
While in slumber's realm you laid

I'd miss you every day
And mourn you for a lifetime
Each moment left delayed
To keep your sighs inside.

As I'd miss the painful truth;
That loving is pure torture
Yet you are worth the scars
And you are worth all pain.

You are made of stars.


Hangovers are nature's way of preparing us for liver failure.

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Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
1 posted 2009-06-14 01:29 AM


This is really good writing - and I am glad that you are back posting and sharing poetry.

Alison

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
2 posted 2009-06-14 09:59 AM


~very, very nice writing!
secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
3 posted 2009-06-14 12:28 PM


v. well written!

"the painful truth...
That loving is pure torture(!)" ...

how (sadly) true!

applause for this 'penning' !

Somebody
New Member
since 2007-02-17
Posts 4

4 posted 2009-06-24 07:13 PM


Funny, you posted this one on 13...

Thank you so much for sharing this starry poem with us!

The line “And how deep the water's face” brings to my mind your poem Water, one of your best.

Your poem “I'd miss...” is like how love’d treat one who dared play with this ineffable feeling.  

To me, that’s the best bit of the poem, just worthy to read:

“Yet you are worth the scars
And you are worth all pain.

You are made of stars.”

I do agree that it’s written well but you can write more and much more polished than that. Some poems of yours do show it that you can. Practice makes perfect. If only you wished (or fancied) to practice a little more, improving and polishing your inherent gift for composing poems, if only…



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