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Open Poetry #45
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brneyedgrly
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since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere

0 posted 2009-06-10 01:27 PM


I was driving and had you captive in my car
You always liked to go wherever the road took us
But I knew there was a hotel west of town
Maybe you knew what you were in for
“No strings” I promised, regretting those words
I didn’t want to scare you away

We chuckled at the drunken moves of dancing people
As the alcohol muddied our self~consciousness
Then drove to the park and made out in my car
Fumbling, trembling, not from tight quarters, but newness and lust
“I want to make you feel like a woman” you said
And that sounded so good to me

We didn’t return to the respectable hotel
You with your disc jockey pay
But checked in to the nearest daily~rate
In the seedier side of town
I didn’t care; it was clean and I felt like a princess next to you
Me not knowing how this moment would define me

Now with more room, we got down to business
It was all that you said it would be
You with your moves and me with my heart
Something you don’t just give out, given to me
I’m pretty sure you didn’t hear this, but before I fell asleep
I whispered that I loved you

The next morning we didn’t look each other in the eye
Awkward silence as I drove you to your car
“I need you in my life” I said
Each mile lessening the hold on you I had
I kissed your cheek; you already lost in your thoughts
I watched in horror as you slipped away

As you got into your car I remember thinking
“I’ve never felt like less of a woman”.

~I am the keeper of what he cast off~

© Copyright 2009 shellie - All Rights Reserved
brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
1 posted 2009-06-10 01:30 PM


oops...forgot to add that this is from "Songs from the time of Kren Shaw"
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
2 posted 2009-06-10 01:41 PM


“I need you in my life” I said
Each mile lessening the hold on you I had
I kissed your cheek; you already lost in your thoughts
I watched in horror as you slipped away

As you got into your car I remember thinking
“I’ve never felt like less of a woman”.

Oh... this gets to me, big time. *S* It's rather amazing how a person can make you feel like queen of the world one minute and then make you feel like you've been dropped straight into the nearest garbage can... so they couldn't possibly want to be rid of you more than you'd love to be rid of yourself.

Gritty, powerful... fantastic write! *S*

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member
since 2009-03-11
Posts 1257
Louisiana
3 posted 2009-06-10 02:47 PM


This was fantastic reading.
Gripping. You have a great talent at story telling.

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
4 posted 2009-06-10 03:28 PM


thank you, suthern and guy!!  i wrote it this morning...amazing the things that the thought of this man still pulls from me ten years later.

~I am the keeper of what he cast off~

Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
5 posted 2009-06-13 11:09 PM


I believe that poetry is good when it transports us to a time, feeling or event in our lives - well, I believe that is one thing that makes poetry.  I felt all in this poetry.  There was this man, one night, learning to play backgammon, laughing (the sex wasn't all that good - but the rest was wonderful -- he couldn't help it that he was a better backgammon player than lover) ~ grins.

Love this one.
A

brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
6 posted 2009-06-15 06:20 PM


~thanks for sharing, A...glad you liked it!
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