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Open Poetry #45
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Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast

0 posted 2009-06-10 07:29 AM


she did that restless thing with her eyes glance
when I opened my hands and thumbed my front pockets
she said I was too cocky and probably rude too
I asked why she would even wonder what I was

I remember her hand on my shoulder later on
when I was by the music machine pushing buttons
and she wanted her way as usual but didn't get it
so she glared at me and pouted a woman's lip comment

it was too loud for me to hear her mouth there
but I did listen to her eyes and charms
as they seemed to be becoming more apparant
so I just asked if she wanted to get to it

and she asked what kind of lady I thought she was
I said it didn't matter if she was or not
we could make the best of each other's flaws
and try to get beyond the obvious imperfections

she said the f word but waited in the parking lot


_______________

daark (owgish) bike night diversion



© Copyright 2009 ©Dark 2k - All Rights Reserved
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
1 posted 2009-06-10 09:38 AM


we could make the best of each other's flaws
and try to get beyond the obvious imperfections

I absolutely love these lines... to watch them delivered would be worth the price of admission. *G*


Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
2 posted 2009-06-10 09:44 AM


ms suthern..thanks lady for grinnin in
brneyedgrly
Senior Member
since 2009-06-08
Posts 1125
nowhere and everywhere
3 posted 2009-06-10 11:25 AM


and she wanted her way as usual but didn't get it
so she glared at me and pouted a woman's lip comment


~wonderful description, dark...

~I am the keeper of what he cast off~

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
4 posted 2009-06-10 11:35 AM


ms browneyes, thank you so very much for the read
Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
5 posted 2009-06-11 02:51 AM


D

So, I am reading along and loving this.  Just leaning into the words and savoring each word and I got to this --

quote:
and she asked what kind of lady I thought she was
I said it didn't matter if she was or not
we could make the best of each other's flaws
and try to get beyond the obvious imperfections


... and I laughed out loud.  You know how I love to laugh - this is perfect.

A

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
6 posted 2009-06-11 07:45 AM


ms ali-san, thanks babe!!  I always have been a laughmonger
steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

7 posted 2009-06-11 09:10 AM


intuitive ending...as if the work before it existed not only as a precursor, but as an integral part as well...good write...enjoyed (especially the ambiguity & humor of the last line)
Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
8 posted 2009-06-11 10:00 AM


steavenr..thanks guy..yes I will admit I did back into this one..
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