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Open Poetry #45
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Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

0 posted 2009-06-09 01:28 PM



Our power proved to be plastic
covered with false courage
easy to spindle and mutilate
under the pressure of shared pride

Hurt feelings carved wounds
stung by salted tears, falling
dripping, wetting
ravaged faces

Nothing was won – no medals
no ribbons for victories
no spoils of war
or winner’s celebration

We only stood to lose it all

-

Alison

© Copyright 2009 Alison - All Rights Reserved
steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

1 posted 2009-06-09 02:11 PM


what a poignant write...I really liked the cadence of your second stanza...really brought life to your word choices...very nicely done
suthern
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Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
2 posted 2009-06-09 02:27 PM


Hurt feelings carved wounds
stung by salted tears, falling
dripping, wetting
ravaged faces

On a global level or in the most intimate relationship... there are many battles no one wins. Excellent write! *S*

Kaoru
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since 2003-06-07
Posts 3892
where the wild flowers grow
3 posted 2009-06-09 02:31 PM


Wow...

I really am speechless, this moved me.

Enjoyed.

Earth Angel
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since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215
Realms of Light
4 posted 2009-06-09 02:38 PM


To quote our Suthern One ~

"On a global level or in the most intimate relationship... there are many battles no one wins. Excellent write!"

Your alliterative opening line really packed a punch! "Our power proved to be plastic"

Love 'n a hug,

Linda

WTBAKELAR
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Senior Member
since 2008-09-09
Posts 1089
Utah, USA
5 posted 2009-06-09 02:39 PM


Sometimes, it is wise to carefully "choose our battles"  
Do we fight, just to fight, or is the battle justified?

Stand up for something. Pray for victory.
Learn from your loses.

Touching write, Alison,
Tracey.

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
6 posted 2009-06-09 02:47 PM


ms ali-san..

it was stated in the art of war, that the field of victory should always be on the opponents soil, perhaps that is all there is sometimes, not a win or lose but just keeping one occupied putting out his own fires..enjoyed your flag here babe!!

Gentle Spirit
Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989

7 posted 2009-06-09 04:08 PM


understanding you here hon, and loving being able to read you again.  Love your pic hon!!
Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
8 posted 2009-06-11 01:40 AM


Steaven,

Thank you.  I had to write out a painful time.  Sisters are complicated beings.  

Thank you again,
Alison

-

Ruth,

I think we lose most battles when they become battles.

Alison

-

Karou,

Thank you.  Your comment means a great deal to me.

Alison

-

Tracey,

Isn't it sad when we are consumed by the act of battling and lose control of what we know is right?

Thank you for stopping in.

Alison

-

Daark,

This friend of mine has shared a lot of thoughts with me on this subject.  I listen.  Sometimes, I even learn.

Ali-san

-

Donna,

Thank you.  Did I tell you that I have missed you?

Love,
A

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
9 posted 2009-06-12 12:52 PM


Alison, I knew this was about your sister before I read your response.  Are her initials OHNW?  My heart goes out to you.  I experience the same ache about my daughter.

Warm friendly huggles
Owl

Bill Charles
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since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619
highways, & byways, for now
10 posted 2009-06-12 02:26 PM


Alison - it does happen that way...

BC

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
11 posted 2009-06-13 11:43 PM


Diana,

Thank you for understanding - and no, the words that being with a bold letter just describe how I felt.  They are like power words - does that make sense?

Love,
A

-

BC,

Yep.

A

Nancy Hardin
Member
since 2009-12-02
Posts 58
Nevada, United States of America
12 posted 2009-12-09 05:54 PM


Alison, I think everybody can relate to this...because there are battles in every family, and nobody winds up winning. My twin granddaughters and I are currently in such a situation over their Mom. Thanks for your insight.
Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
13 posted 2009-12-09 06:18 PM


Thank you, Nancy.  Sadly, things only got worse - and we lost it all.

A

Zeigeist
Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 311
Michigan
14 posted 2009-12-09 08:56 PM


I like this

Z

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
15 posted 2009-12-09 11:19 PM


Thank you, Z.  Welcome to PiP.  I can't express how honored I am that your first post here is a comment to my poem.  That's a first for me, I believe.

Welcome.
Alison

passing shadows
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since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
16 posted 2009-12-10 10:04 AM


wow

ken206573
Member
since 2008-10-14
Posts 487

17 posted 2009-12-10 11:03 AM


What a powerful and enduring poem. I hope the best for you and your sister, we all have our battle's with the winner's, loser's, and withdraw's. Yet they all leave a scare.


2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
18 posted 2009-12-10 01:53 PM


easy to spindle and mutilate
under the pressure of shared pride


Hi Alison,I love your poem and the lesson of it, thanks

yann

The Lady
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since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
19 posted 2009-12-11 10:42 PM




"easy to spindle and mutilate
under the pressure of shared pride"

powerful lines here Alison...

your pain is showing


secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
20 posted 2009-12-13 05:51 PM


the raw power of fine writing is, of course, often born in the blazing crucible of personal experience ...

well 'penned' !

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
21 posted 2009-12-14 01:41 AM


sometimes that's all we stand to do.

go on brush yo shoulda's off.


Dear alaboo,

this one hit home.

I liked it loads.
love,

Paul

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
22 posted 2009-12-17 04:20 AM


I think there are some situations that just can't be worked out, Alison, as much as we would like that to happen. You can't really remove the burden unless someone holds up the other end. I think you expressed what you feel with great skill here.
                             Ida

nourzihane
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since 2008-07-10
Posts 254
Algeria
23 posted 2009-12-17 09:59 AM


My dear friend... Alison...

your writings are wonderful

thank you
Nourzihane

Alison
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Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
24 posted 2009-12-17 10:37 AM


This is one of those poems that is hard to come back to.  It hurts.  Paul, Dixie, Kate, Ida, Ken, Yann, Bruce & nourzihane, thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me.  Each one of you has helped the healing process just a little more.  

I treasure all the comments that I receive, but some poems need them more than others and this is just one of those poems.

With love,
Alison

Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
25 posted 2009-12-17 11:00 AM


"Hurt feelings carved wounds
stung by salted tears, falling
dripping, wetting
ravaged faces"

That is BEAUTIFUL!

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

26 posted 2009-12-18 06:08 PM


Such a painfully personally poem here and there is a bravery in writing it..thank you for posting ...

Goldenrose.

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength,while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Lao Tzu 6th century BC.

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