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 Teen Poetry #9
 i'm crying i'm dying i'm screaming insid
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Passions in Poetry

i'm crying i'm dying i'm screaming inside

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maddorani
Member
since 11-18-2007
Posts 419
houston,tx


0 posted 04-15-2011 12:15 AM       View Profile for maddorani   Email maddorani   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for maddorani

I would like some feed back for this poem


I知 crying
I知 dying
I知 screaming
Inside

Can someone
Hear me
Can someone
See me
Is there anyone

I知 crying
I知 dying
I知 screaming
Out loud

But still no
One hears
Me no one
Sees me
Everyone ignores
Me

I知 crying
I知 dying
I知 screaming
Loudly
Enough to be
Heard

Yet no one
Hears me
No one sees
Me no
One can see
How my
Heart is in
Distress

I知 crying
I知 dying
I知 screaming
Top of my
Lungs out


Even right now
No one
Hears me no
One sees me
Slowly, Slowly my
Heart is Rupturing
Me, slowly
My soul is
Cleaving me

I知 crying
I知 dying
I知 screaming
So that the
Whole world
Can hear me

No one comes
No one sees
Me slowly
Slowly I知
Withering
Away wishing
Someone can
Save me
Yearning
For someone
To hear
Me hankering
For someone
To see how
I知 feeling
Inside

I知 crying
I知 dying
I知 screaming
Inside


© Copyright 2011 madiha - All Rights Reserved
LaGraceLa
Member
since 01-30-2011
Posts 242
Minnesota, USA


1 posted 04-30-2011 08:30 AM       View Profile for LaGraceLa   Email LaGraceLa   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LaGraceLa

I am quite fond of your poetry. There is something about it that is so truthful and I love it. The only and only suggestion I have for you is to try different line breaks, it feels so choppy and broken, and granted maybe you are going for that but I think that you should atleast try different breaks. Just a suggestion, it is still great and I love it.
maddorani
Member
since 11-18-2007
Posts 419
houston,tx


2 posted 04-30-2011 11:36 AM       View Profile for maddorani   Email maddorani   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for maddorani

what do you mean by the line breaks and thank you very much
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