I am the person I build, one moment at a time, one breath at a time by learning simply and easily and straightforwardly how to pay attention to one thing at a time. At times it feels as though everything in the world wants to come between you and this simple project. At those moments, you simply say, whoops, and you start over, simply and quietly and effortlessly at the beginning.
You never want to do this more than twenty minutes at a time, and never more than twice a day, because you want time to take what you've learned in those times and try to allow it to soak in a bit. During those times, when you are alone and are able to take time off by yourself in a room where others won't disturb you, you simply close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. And every time you inhale, you count that breath until you've counted ten breaths. Sometimes you'll loose track. You may forget if the last breath was three or seven or ten or whatever it may have been. WQhen that happens, you simply say to yourself, "whoops," and you start over at "One" again. If you manage to reach ten slow easy breaths, then you start over at One again. You may forget and find yourself at a hundred and fifty. So what? You simply say, Whoops! and start over at One again. You may find yourself drifting off into thinking of other stuff, how smart you are, or what's really important in the world, or who you are, really. That's all right, when you notice you've done that, you simply say, whoops, and begin again at One.
The Goal is to simply spend the entire twenty minutes concentrating on that one things and one doing nothing but that one thing. If you find yourself moving, that's okayl, stop moving, settle yourself down, and start counting at one again. No more than twenty minutes of this, twice a day.
What you're training here is your ability to have attention, to focus it and to be in one place, feeling and thinking one thing. If you want to know who and what you are, the first thing you're going to need to do that is the ability to notice things, and to concentrate and to put them together over time, and that's what this meditation training teaches you to do, slowly and over time. Sometimes it will feel like the twenty minutes will pass in a few seconds, sometimes it will feel like it takes forever, but it will always be only twenty minutes. You will find you learn a great deal in just a week, and you may want to try to put it into words. Try putting it into a poem if you want, but otherwise, just allow it to go back into the twenty minute meditation time, so that you will end up building more and more solid ground for yourself to experience. You wioll be building a place to sit and view your life from, but it needs to be built slowly, just a few minutes at a time, so that the foundation is deep and solid, and so that you can understand that you will be used to the mistakes and will be able to forgive yourself for them and go back to the construction a little bit at a time, with a simple, whoops!, and a going back to one, as you get better and better at the process.
Try it and see.
Sincerely, yours, Bob Kaven