Thank you for such a detailed, line-by-line look at my poem, I really do appreciate you taking the time to dissect it.
I certainly agree that there are some rhythmical flaws within it; I'll definitely keep metre/natural rhythm in mind the next time I write. Itís nice to have someone else pick them out as sometimes you donít hear them yourself, just through the way in which you judge it on first reading/writing. And yes, there are a few lines that don't really do much for the poem as far as meaning goes, haha. Could do with some revision.
I started university in September and have been studying English Literature and English Language which have taught me a lot about metre and stylistics etc. so I look forward to putting these to use as I've never been taught the technical workings of such things.
Thanks once again for the critique and the compliments! (: