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 Teen Poetry #9
 ineviatble death
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Passions in Poetry

ineviatble death

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FarFromOrdinary
New Member
since 01-19-2011
[First Post] 2


0 posted 01-19-2011 08:39 PM       View Profile for FarFromOrdinary   Email FarFromOrdinary   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for FarFromOrdinary

She pretends shes fine
as she pulls her mask on
that hides her heart from the world
thats it takes
And no one notices
The pain in her eyes
The fear in her voice
The image depicted upon her face

and no one optice that she is dieing
inside
With evey breahe
No one ses
That she is more than a pretty face a brethless conquest
she is more than sick

They culd not believe
the places shes been
and the things shes seenand the things she was forced to do
to keep it together

Yet she keeps on walking
And no one notices
She is dieing with every step
And no one notices
that she needs help

Looking forward
but the past grasping on
to her heart
her mind
her thoughts
trying to pull er back
And no one notices
And she is tempted to let go
because it hurt to keep on going
when no one notices
awaiting an inevitable death
that seems to never arrive
so she sto and she embraces it
because
no one notices.
he
© Copyright 2011 Dominique johnson - All Rights Reserved
XGarapanX
Senior Member
since 06-19-2008
Posts 1416
Rekjavik Iceland


1 posted 01-21-2011 10:31 AM       View Profile for XGarapanX   Email XGarapanX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit XGarapanX's Home Page   View IP for XGarapanX

This is beautiful in its raw honesty, passable in its poetry, a little halting in its flow but nothing that can't be worked out. The only thing that needs major work is the spelling. Presentation is a large part of quality writing, and consistently poor spelling in a poem detracts from it's real beauty. It interrupts the readers enjoyment of the substance. But otherwise this is good.

·´~`·­»Garapan«­·´~`·  "Look! Crumbs on his jacketses... Heeee took it!"

rachel_anubis
Junior Member
since 03-24-2011
Posts 43


2 posted 03-25-2011 02:52 AM       View Profile for rachel_anubis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rachel_anubis

This is a beautiful, haunting poem. Our lives are masked, especially from those we love. You could work on the spelling though.
FloraScars
Junior Member
since 11-08-2010
Posts 33
VA, USA :D


3 posted 03-28-2011 04:25 PM       View Profile for FloraScars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for FloraScars

i think everyone experiences this in their life. deep pain or trouble within, others dont understand everything they have been through yet they manage to keep a mask and hide from others how they feel.
 
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