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Teen Poetry #9

ineviatble death

FarFromOrdinary
New Member

since 2011-01-19

Posts 2

0 posted 2011-01-19 08:39 PM

She pretends shes fine
as she pulls her mask on
that hides her heart from the world
thats it takes
And no one notices
The pain in her eyes
The fear in her voice
The image depicted upon her face

and no one optice that she is dieing
inside
With evey breahe
No one ses
That she is more than a pretty face a brethless conquest
she is more than sick

They culd not believe
the places shes been
and the things shes seenand the things she was forced to do
to keep it together

Yet she keeps on walking
And no one notices
She is dieing with every step
And no one notices
that she needs help

Looking forward
but the past grasping on
to her heart
her mind
her thoughts
trying to pull er back
And no one notices
And she is tempted to let go
because it hurt to keep on going
when no one notices
awaiting an inevitable death
that seems to never arrive
so she sto and she embraces it
because
no one notices.
he

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

1 posted 2011-01-21 10:31 AM

This is beautiful in its raw honesty, passable in its poetry, a little halting in its flow but nothing that can't be worked out. The only thing that needs major work is the spelling. Presentation is a large part of quality writing, and consistently poor spelling in a poem detracts from it's real beauty. It interrupts the readers enjoyment of the substance. But otherwise this is good.

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· "Look! Crumbs on his jacketses... Heeee took it!"

rachel_anubis
Junior Member

since 2011-03-24

Posts 43

2 posted 2011-03-25 02:52 AM

This is a beautiful, haunting poem. Our lives are masked, especially from those we love. You could work on the spelling though.

FloraScars
Junior Member

since 2010-11-08

Posts 33
VA, USA

3 posted 2011-03-28 04:25 PM

i think everyone experiences this in their life. deep pain or trouble within, others dont understand everything they have been through yet they manage to keep a mask and hide from others how they feel.

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