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 My Shining Star
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Passions in Poetry

My Shining Star

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animecrazy71
Junior Member
since 10-01-2010
Posts 16
Pakistan


0 posted 10-31-2010 09:33 PM       View Profile for animecrazy71   Email animecrazy71   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit animecrazy71's Home Page   View IP for animecrazy71

Relentlessly, my heart beats fast,
Is it a phobia?,
This feeling, I get gazing upon you,
No, its euphoria,


Forever, I want it to last,
This experience, so bright,
If beauty is a shining star,
Then, you are its light,


My life's darkness, you, so easily illuminate,
With just a smile,
Gazing, how long has it been?,
I believe, quite a while,


No longer, I can wait,
for you, to be mine,
No one comes close,
To your unrivaled shine,


From you, all that I covet,
One, single, look,
To read my emotions,
I am an open book,


Keep you happy, I shall, everlastingly, you bet,
Forever and ever,
Please be my shining star, in this dark sky,
Forever and ever,

© Copyright 2010 animecrazy71 - All Rights Reserved
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


1 posted 11-07-2010 03:41 PM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

I like this poem, for constructive critique, i would suggest reading over it, stanza by stanza and working on the flow. make your lines the same or close to the same syllable count, it makes the rhyme scheme smoother. but i really love the concept of this poem and hope to read more soon
Krysti
animecrazy71
Junior Member
since 10-01-2010
Posts 16
Pakistan


2 posted 11-08-2010 01:28 AM       View Profile for animecrazy71   Email animecrazy71   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit animecrazy71's Home Page   View IP for animecrazy71

Thank You.....and i was thinking the same thing yesterday....i think ill change a few lines, just to smoothen the flow.....Thanks

Check out my Poetry Blog for interesting Poems on http://arslan-poetry-blog.blogspot.com

XGarapanX
Senior Member
since 06-19-2008
Posts 1416
Rekjavik Iceland


3 posted 01-05-2011 09:39 PM       View Profile for XGarapanX   Email XGarapanX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit XGarapanX's Home Page   View IP for XGarapanX

Sweet.

·´~`·­»Garapan«­·´~`·  "Look! Crumbs on his jacketses... Heeee took it!"

*tori_rose*
Junior Member
since 10-12-2010
Posts 44
Weber City, VA


4 posted 01-10-2011 12:17 AM       View Profile for *tori_rose*   Email *tori_rose*   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for *tori_rose*

i like it :P its good keep it up

~*tori*~

animecrazy71
Junior Member
since 10-01-2010
Posts 16
Pakistan


5 posted 01-10-2011 12:34 AM       View Profile for animecrazy71   Email animecrazy71   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit animecrazy71's Home Page   View IP for animecrazy71

Thank You....you can check out my blog for more poems of mine =)

Check out my Poetry Blog for interesting Poems on http://arslan-poetry-blog.blogspot.com

HolsJoscelyne
Junior Member
since 04-05-2011
Posts 23
Colchester, United Kingdom


6 posted 04-05-2011 02:44 PM       View Profile for HolsJoscelyne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for HolsJoscelyne

this is a great poem!
I think I wanted to write one that was similar or perhaps thought of a past lover as a shining star.

suggestion change you are 'its light' to 'the light' ?

Good luck and well done!
HolsJoscelyne
Junior Member
since 04-05-2011
Posts 23
Colchester, United Kingdom


7 posted 04-05-2011 02:44 PM       View Profile for HolsJoscelyne   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for HolsJoscelyne

this is a great poem!
I think I wanted to write one that was similar or perhaps thought of a past lover as a shining star.

suggestion change you are 'its light' to 'the light' ?

Good luck and well done!
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