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 Broken Perception
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Passions in Poetry

Broken Perception

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UNTAMEDelegance
Member
since 05-30-2009
Posts 224
Oregon


0 posted 07-21-2010 01:29 AM       View Profile for UNTAMEDelegance   Email UNTAMEDelegance   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for UNTAMEDelegance

             I woke one morning the sun was bright.

The mist was cool, the evening dark.

                     Shining with a glorious light.

I loosed the trigger, missed my mark.

               I took a walk, ‘neath age-old trees.

I ran off, silent in the night.

                     The sky as blue as barmy seas.

The moon cast down revealing light.

           In, out. I breathe the sweet spring air.

In hot pursuit they chased me down.

           The breeze plays through my silken hair.

I disappear in shadow’s crown.

             I walk through woods that seem so old.

With hair of pitch, she comes my way.

              A girl runs toward with hair of gold.

Dark ebony and all asway.

        Though hair is gold, her clothes are black.

In opposite, she wears a white.

                A murderous glare, her eyes attack.

Warmth in her eyes a foolish blight.

                          A mirror image of my own.

I see reflected back my face.

              This girl is frightening, I run home.

I slink away, restart the chase.

Misa: I can't imagine a world without Light!
L: Yes, that would be dark.

© Copyright 2010 Melissa Reneé Axtell - All Rights Reserved
unfinishedlife
Junior Member
since 03-06-2010
Posts 22


1 posted 07-22-2010 04:06 PM       View Profile for unfinishedlife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for unfinishedlife

You definately have talent.
All I can say for improvement is to spend more time on revision. Take notice as to whether the way you write your lines adds to the poem or causes the reader to have to leave the mood of the poem to figure out why you wrote in the style you chose.
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