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Passions in Poetry

The Counter

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totalspiffingness
New Member
since 08-28-2008
[First Post] 8


0 posted 07-14-2010 02:31 PM       View Profile for totalspiffingness   Email totalspiffingness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for totalspiffingness

My love,
This world is not yours
And it is not mine
It beckons and lures
And then kills the mind
The time
our time
these seconds were ours
these days of touch
of this corporeal reality
atoms colliding together
speaking technically
What's love besides chemicals?
And the formula plays out
Not in numbers
but in years spent
dreaming

I counted out
the motions of your hands
two to take mine
one to combine
another three to hold my head
The numbers don't count.
I number the breaths
and don't subtract the time
leaving us stranded in eternal spectra
the fire and the rose
in motion and yet stilled

That's when my heart pounds to my awakening
I notice days, months, have passed
since you left
counting, counting days
hoping, finding ways

I have not been the fairest
I've tried my hardest, given my all
just to bear this
And it's been months
Since my pen graced these pages
I wouldn't dare to move
For the fear of losing you to time
Forgive me my selfish need
I'm counting down
Multiplying love
will conquer the space
and divide it


© Copyright 2010 totalspiffingness - All Rights Reserved
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


1 posted 07-14-2010 10:56 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

Wow, what a fantastic first post. Really.
This makes me wish that I was capable of telling more of a story when I write.
I especially loved these few lines:

And it's been months
Since my pen graced these pages
I wouldn't dare to move
For the fear of losing you to time

Brilliance. That's all I can say. I've read it a couple times over and it still makes me think that I have so far to go as a writer.
You truly are a gifted writer.  

This will most definitely go into my library. Thanks for sharing.

{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

totalspiffingness
New Member
since 08-28-2008
Posts 8


2 posted 07-14-2010 11:07 PM       View Profile for totalspiffingness   Email totalspiffingness   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for totalspiffingness

Wow thank you! I'm flattered. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
arthur
Senior Member
since 08-14-2001
Posts 992
england


3 posted 07-17-2010 03:39 PM       View Profile for arthur   Email arthur   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for arthur

I enjoyed your work-arthur
unfinishedlife
Junior Member
since 03-06-2010
Posts 22


4 posted 07-22-2010 04:13 PM       View Profile for unfinishedlife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for unfinishedlife

You could try using punctuation to assist the flow of the poem. My friend and I enjoyed the mention of love and chemicals.
Leanne <3
Member
since 08-25-2007
Posts 217
N.S.W, Australia


5 posted 07-24-2010 07:46 PM       View Profile for Leanne <3   Email Leanne <3   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Leanne <3

amazing write!
RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member
since 06-11-2007
Posts 1062
In Love <3


6 posted 07-24-2010 08:34 PM       View Profile for RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed

Read a little Elliot have we? (fire and the rose) It was beautiful, the first stanza was my favorite.

-Kate

Rawr!!!!! (That means "I love you" in Dinosaur) :)

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Caelestus
since 06-25-99
Posts 67715
Listening to every heart


7 posted 07-25-2010 12:40 AM       View Profile for Sunshine   Email Sunshine   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Sunshine's Home Page   View IP for Sunshine

Welcome to Passions.

Sounds like you've been here before,
and that's fine...

but still? Check your email
for a Very Special Message.

" It matters not this distance now  " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love
~*~
KRJ

FloraScars
Junior Member
since 11-08-2010
Posts 33
VA, USA :D


8 posted 12-08-2010 12:43 PM       View Profile for FloraScars   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for FloraScars

wow that was amazing!
your really good(:
XGarapanX
Senior Member
since 06-19-2008
Posts 1416
Rekjavik Iceland


9 posted 01-02-2011 05:51 AM       View Profile for XGarapanX   Email XGarapanX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit XGarapanX's Home Page   View IP for XGarapanX

Wow.

·´~`·­»Garapan«­·´~`·

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