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totalspiffingness
New Member

since 2008-08-28

Posts 8

0 posted 2010-07-14 02:31 PM

My love,
This world is not yours
And it is not mine
It beckons and lures
And then kills the mind
The time
our time
these seconds were ours
these days of touch
of this corporeal reality
atoms colliding together
speaking technically
What's love besides chemicals?
And the formula plays out
Not in numbers
but in years spent
dreaming

I counted out
the motions of your hands
two to take mine
one to combine
another three to hold my head
The numbers don't count.
I number the breaths
and don't subtract the time
leaving us stranded in eternal spectra
the fire and the rose
in motion and yet stilled

That's when my heart pounds to my awakening
I notice days, months, have passed
since you left
counting, counting days
hoping, finding ways

I have not been the fairest
I've tried my hardest, given my all
just to bear this
And it's been months
Since my pen graced these pages
I wouldn't dare to move
For the fear of losing you to time
Forgive me my selfish need
I'm counting down
Multiplying love
will conquer the space
and divide it

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member

since 2008-01-20

Posts 891
Neverland

1 posted 2010-07-14 10:56 PM

Wow, what a fantastic first post. Really.
This makes me wish that I was capable of telling more of a story when I write.
I especially loved these few lines:

And it's been months
Since my pen graced these pages
I wouldn't dare to move
For the fear of losing you to time

Brilliance. That's all I can say. I've read it a couple times over and it still makes me think that I have so far to go as a writer.
You truly are a gifted writer.

This will most definitely go into my library. Thanks for sharing.

{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

totalspiffingness
New Member

since 2008-08-28

Posts 8

2 posted 2010-07-14 11:07 PM

Wow thank you!

I'm flattered. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

arthur
Senior Member

since 2001-08-14

Posts 678
england

3 posted 2010-07-17 03:39 PM

I enjoyed your work-arthur

unfinishedlife
Junior Member

since 2010-03-06

Posts 22

4 posted 2010-07-22 04:13 PM

You could try using punctuation to assist the flow of the poem. My friend and I enjoyed the mention of love and chemicals.

Leanne <3
Member

since 2007-08-25

Posts 216
N.S.W, Australia

5 posted 2010-07-24 07:46 PM

amazing write!

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

6 posted 2010-07-24 08:34 PM

Read a little Elliot have we? (fire and the rose) It was beautiful, the first stanza was my favorite.

-Kate

Rawr!!!!! (That means "I love you" in Dinosaur) :)

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

7 posted 2010-07-25 12:40 PM

Welcome to Passions.

Sounds like you've been here before,
and that's fine...

but still? Check your email
for a Very Special Message.

" It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love
~*~
KRJ

FloraScars
Junior Member

since 2010-11-08

Posts 33
VA, USA

8 posted 2010-12-08 12:43 PM

wow that was amazing!
your really good(:

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

9 posted 2011-01-02 05:51 AM

Wow.

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`·

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