There Aren't Many Of Us Left You Know

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Teen Poetry #9

There Aren't Many Of Us Left You Know

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

0 posted 2010-05-28 07:32 PM

My grandfather, of whom I was very close to passed away earlier this week. The title of this poem is something he often said to me with uttermost jollity.

There Aren’t Many Of Us Left, You Know

Acceptance is the first step to forgetting
So I stubbornly nourish the numb
Clench my fists and cry my tears
Spit out the skin chewed from my thumb

I listen to songs carved from rain water
Welcome that sickly sense of the detached
Hold your photo in my fist and
Count every piece that doesn’t match

That last white stained memory in my mind
Can’t seem to be forced into place
So I simply choose to ignore it with my
Shuttered eyes and paint stripped face

Every minute is one step further from
Your detailed memory in my mind
So I grasp on straws and silly things
And rob light straight from the blind

Acceptance is the first step to forgetting
So I would rather stay on this track
Where I can pretend that you’re still here
As I dress myself in black.

[This message has been edited by Octave (05-29-2010 12:44 PM).]

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

1 posted 2010-05-28 09:31 PM

Okay I wasn't going to add my small commentary, but upon reading your critique message I can't help myself.

I think it would be really super cool if the last line of your poem read simply:

As I dressed myself in black

Anyways, as always, you are superb.

-Kate

"What are you!?"
"I'm complicated."

Octave
Member

since 2008-07-29

Posts 186
Highlands, Scotland.

2 posted 2010-05-29 02:00 PM

Thanks for the crit. I hummed and hawed over the ending when i was writing it. I've taken your advice and changed it. Thank you very much.

RenaissanceRomanceRunsRed
Senior Member

since 2007-06-11

Posts 1062
In Love <3

3 posted 2010-05-29 07:13 PM

I'm glowing with your praise. Thank you!!!

Rawr!!!!! (That means "I love you" in Dinosaur) :)

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