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Passions in Poetry

For You

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XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


0 posted 05-15-2010 12:19 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

I wrote this the other day for my friend Ju Young. It's not very good, but i was just excited that I could actually still write something in relation to a poem.
===========================

When the night comes,
if the moon doesn't glow,
I'll be here,
I wont let go.

When the sun shines,
if your tears start to rain,
I'll be here,
taking in your pain.

Fear not of being lonely
'cause you'll only ever be,
the one that I look after,
the second half of me.

When the hurt doesn't stop,
if your world is crashing down,
I'll be here,
I'll stand my ground.

I wont go,
I'll take in your pain.
Watching over you,
I'll stand in the rain.
{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

© Copyright 2010 Emmalee Yuri - All Rights Reserved
toriber
Junior Member
since 06-10-2010
Posts 22
texas


1 posted 06-17-2010 12:05 PM       View Profile for toriber   Email toriber   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for toriber

i love this its very relatable. keep writing its very good!!

id rather be extordinary together rather than ordinary a part

XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


2 posted 06-17-2010 12:23 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

Thank you, I will.

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


3 posted 06-18-2010 01:35 AM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

very very lovely! great write!
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


4 posted 06-19-2010 01:54 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

thank you

{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

AlexandriaDixon
New Member
since 06-22-2010
Posts 6


5 posted 06-22-2010 01:39 PM       View Profile for AlexandriaDixon   Email AlexandriaDixon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for AlexandriaDixon

This was such a beautiful poem. It flowed very well, and that's hard to do with a rhyme. But you did it nicely.
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


6 posted 06-27-2010 01:34 AM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

Thanks, I'm glad you like it.


{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

mozart4321
Junior Member
since 06-29-2010
Posts 29


7 posted 06-29-2010 02:35 PM       View Profile for mozart4321   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for mozart4321

i can really relate to this, giving anything for someone you care about.  i believe this would make great song lyrics.
Bob K
Member Elite
since 11-03-2007
Posts 3860


8 posted 06-30-2010 02:35 AM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K



     I am fond of the work that you and Flavius have been doing recently.  The notion about song lyrics, which I know little about, seems like a sound one, though, though you'll probably need to know more about the forms song lyrics take.  They seem very specific.

     There's a lot of good feeling you're able to get at here, which shows a lot fine progress with you and your personal journey.  A woman and her unicorn looking for illumination and people to really care about in navigating her journey through life.  A journey that looks for illumination and depth and avoids gumballs.  That unicorn really knows what's what.

     My very best.

     Is there someone who knows how to organize song lyrics around?
Earl Brinkman
Senior Member
since 03-03-2010
Posts 1185
Osaka, Japan


9 posted 06-30-2010 07:01 AM       View Profile for Earl Brinkman   Email Earl Brinkman   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Earl Brinkman

This was very nice.  If you would like some advice about rhyming there are rhyming dictionies that are available at book stores or over the net.  I bought one at a second hand book store.  There is also a rhyming dictionary available over the net and it is free.  I haven`t used it for a while so I am not certain whether it is still up.
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


10 posted 06-30-2010 02:32 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

Yes, I am aware of the online rhyming dictionaries, but i try to avoid using them. I find that the phrase can often seem forced when using a rhyming dictionary, which is something I like to avoid. I have used one before though.  


Bob K,
     As always your replies make me smile. It brightens my day how you use my insanity as a way of relating things (Flavius)  .
I really appreciate all the suggestions you give me and I'm grateful to you. Thank you.


{~~*~~}


EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..
Bob K
Member Elite
since 11-03-2007
Posts 3860


11 posted 07-01-2010 07:58 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K



     As a fun experiment, why not try selecting the rhyme words in advance?  You have the freedom to make them offbeat and wonderful, and then you can let your imagination work of the more imaginative ways of connecting them, instead of struggling to come up with a rhyme to fit in with the logic of the development of your ideas.  Let the sound move your ideas around on the first couple of drafts, and then revise for sense later on to see what you come up with.

     If you can, try to drop in the names of some actual concrete things that you don't usually find in poetry, your basic kazoo bands and switchblades and vacuum cleaners for example to keep the poems from getting too abstract and flying off into outer space with abstraction.  If you know somebody with an unusual name or nickname, you can always drop that in, but even dropping in somebody's real name can give a poem a whole different feel.  I once kbnew a poet named "Antler," for example.  And James Wright tossed in the mention of a friend in the middle of a poem; "Wayne" was the guy's name, and it was in the middle of a poem about the poetry of Jonathan Swift.  It worked out pretty well.

     These are experiments, and there for fun, not for anything else.  If you enjoy them, you can toss them into your quiver and pull them out from time to time when you want to get out of a rut in the middle of a poem, or when you want a way to start or end one.  Enjoy, I hope.
 
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