How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 Frail
 1 2 3
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

Frail

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


0 posted 04-24-2010 12:45 AM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX


I just feel like screaming,
nothing more than that.
But the fear that you will hear me...
that's what holds me back.

I hate this deadly silence,
though it's how I live my life.
Searching for a way to go,
I'm lost without your light.

Why do you disown me at the time I need you most?
Tell me how to live through this,
try to help me cope.

No one can be strong when the world is crashing down.
I can not go on,
I can't stand my ground.
{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

© Copyright 2010 Emmalee Yuri - All Rights Reserved
Bob K
Member Elite
since 11-03-2007
Posts 3860


1 posted 04-25-2010 11:06 PM       View Profile for Bob K   Email Bob K   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bob K


I just feel like screaming,
nothing more than that.
But the fear that you will hear me...
that's what holds me back.

I hate this deadly silence,
though it's how I live my life.
Searching for a way to go,
I'm lost without your light.

Why do you disown me at the time I need you most?
Tell me how to live through this,
try to help me cope.

No one can be strong when the world is crashing down.
I can not go on,
I can't stand my ground.
{~~*~~}


     Please say hello to the glorious Flavius for me.

     He would be the first to inform you that you know better than to chew on gum-balls such as this, tasty as they may be.  As the poem evidences, you are coping very well indeed, not the least by allowing yourself to actually have your feelings and by going on at the same time.  Feeling like you can't go on, then going on anyway.  This is one of the skills we learn and frequently don't notice that we've learned in the process.  It can come as something of a surprise.  You've proven quite a strong and resilient woman over the time I've seen your stuff, and have a very good knack of keeping a level head and allowing your feelings room to be there.  I found that impressive.  Of course you long for support and love, and for now you're having to settle for the love of good friends, which is amazingly nourishing.  You need to kiss a lot of frogs before one turns into a real live prince, and before you know enough about yourself to recognize a real live prince when you meet one.  Sometimes it's very easy to get confused.  Sometimes you really love each other, but you discover that you don't love each other enough.  Every time you learn and your soul expands and becomes wiser.

     The light you see in the other is frequently real.  If you're lucky and the person is the right person, you're able to see light that turns out not only to be their light but a big surprise, this your own as well, that you hadn't known you had before.  It sounds that perhaps you caught a little glimpse of that light here, and it made this break-up a bit more difficult for you.

     As yourself what were the qualities that you really especially admired in the other person, that especially dazzled you, and then do not work on noticing them in yourself.  Just allow yourself to be surprised when you see them scamper by and sort of pat them on the head  in recognition.  Flavius will know what to do with them.

     The poem is a personal growth poem, and seems fine the way it is, but you might, as an experiment, enjoy playing with the ending and see what happens if you turn it around a hundred eighty degrees.  You don't have to try it, and if you try it, you sure don't have to keep it, but as an experiment, it might be interesting to see how that felt different for you.

     Keep writing.  Great work.  Marvelous unicorn, amazing you. Keep up with the women friends.   All my best.  BK
Trapped - Nothing
Member
since 04-25-2010
Posts 53


2 posted 04-27-2010 11:38 PM       View Profile for Trapped - Nothing   Email Trapped - Nothing   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Trapped - Nothing

I just feel like screaming,
nothing more than that.
But the fear that you will hear me...
that's what holds me back.


I love this line because its very feeling.  NO the rhyme is not there but the fear is, and the emotion is sidetracking but..its okay.


XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


3 posted 05-06-2010 07:22 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

Thank you Bob, your replies always make me smile.

{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> Frail Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors