I just feel like screaming,
nothing more than that.
But the fear that you will hear me...
that's what holds me back.
I hate this deadly silence,
though it's how I live my life.
Searching for a way to go,
I'm lost without your light.
Why do you disown me at the time I need you most?
Tell me how to live through this,
try to help me cope.
No one can be strong when the world is crashing down.
I can not go on,
I can't stand my ground.
Please say hello to the glorious Flavius for me.
He would be the first to inform you that you know better than to chew on gum-balls such as this, tasty as they may be. As the poem evidences, you are coping very well indeed, not the least by allowing yourself to actually have your feelings and by going on at the same time. Feeling like you can't go on, then going on anyway. This is one of the skills we learn and frequently don't notice that we've learned in the process. It can come as something of a surprise. You've proven quite a strong and resilient woman over the time I've seen your stuff, and have a very good knack of keeping a level head and allowing your feelings room to be there. I found that impressive. Of course you long for support and love, and for now you're having to settle for the love of good friends, which is amazingly nourishing. You need to kiss a lot of frogs before one turns into a real live prince, and before you know enough about yourself to recognize a real live prince when you meet one. Sometimes it's very easy to get confused. Sometimes you really love each other, but you discover that you don't love each other enough. Every time you learn and your soul expands and becomes wiser.
The light you see in the other is frequently real. If you're lucky and the person is the right person, you're able to see light that turns out not only to be their light but — a big surprise, this — your own as well, that you hadn't known you had before. It sounds that perhaps you caught a little glimpse of that light here, and it made this break-up a bit more difficult for you.
As yourself what were the qualities that you really especially admired in the other person, that especially dazzled you, and then do not work on noticing them in yourself. Just allow yourself to be surprised when you see them scamper by and sort of pat them on the head in recognition. Flavius will know what to do with them.
The poem is a personal growth poem, and seems fine the way it is, but you might, as an experiment, enjoy playing with the ending and see what happens if you turn it around a hundred eighty degrees. You don't have to try it, and if you try it, you sure don't have to keep it, but as an experiment, it might be interesting to see how that felt different for you.
Keep writing. Great work. Marvelous unicorn, amazing you. Keep up with the women friends. All my best. BK