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Passions in Poetry

Sky

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Octave
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since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


0 posted 03-13-2010 04:54 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Octave

Just a bit of a play around to be honest. Nothing spectacular. Haven't written in a while. :S


Sky

You値l let go of my hand
And upwards you will fly
Pick up your feet, unfold your wings
You値l slice and eat the sky

The fractured colour of our farewell
Will splinter down your face
In the colours of the sun and moon
Who fight to take prize place

Curl the clouds beneath your fingers
You値l skim the stars and broken black
And you値l dash through the fading blue
With a smile you will turn your back

Your hoary wings will spin through time
While I stand and watch with tears
That dance across my cheeks and chin
As the skies begin to clear

You値l let go of my hand
And upwards you will fly
Pick up your feet, unfold your wings
As you池e swallowed by the sky.
© Copyright 2010 Octave - All Rights Reserved
JenniferMaxwell
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since 09-14-2006
Posts 2275


1 posted 03-13-2010 07:01 PM       View Profile for JenniferMaxwell   Email JenniferMaxwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JenniferMaxwell

I think your poem is pretty spectacular, Octave! It's so well crafted and the images really stay with the reader:

"The fractured colour of our farewell
Will splinter down your face
In the colours of the sun and moon
Who fight to take prize place"

Very nice work!


LittleWillow
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since 12-27-2007
Posts 54


2 posted 03-13-2010 07:52 PM       View Profile for LittleWillow   Email LittleWillow   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LittleWillow

Absolutly Loved it!
Could picture everything!
Amazing words and very well described!
Thank you for sharing!
fromme2U
Member
since 11-09-2007
Posts 258


3 posted 03-15-2010 01:53 PM       View Profile for fromme2U   Email fromme2U   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for fromme2U

I really enjoyed reading this poem.
Falling rain
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since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


4 posted 03-15-2010 04:44 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Magnificent as always Oct'.

-Zach
Leanne <3
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since 08-25-2007
Posts 217
N.S.W, Australia


5 posted 03-17-2010 01:31 AM       View Profile for Leanne <3   Email Leanne <3   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Leanne <3

Beautiful write!!
-Lee
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


6 posted 03-19-2010 01:50 AM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Absolutely Amazing!!!

鄭ll bad poetry springs from genuine feeling.--Oscar Wilde

Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


7 posted 03-21-2010 11:58 AM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

Thank you very much everyone!
Taylor See
Member
since 10-07-2008
Posts 55
North Carolina, US


8 posted 03-25-2010 10:39 AM       View Profile for Taylor See   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Taylor See

The abstract imagery in this poem is fantastic. I enjoyed it so much =)

My only suggestion would be to write the poem with
the contractions you'll and you're
as you will and you are and see if you like it that way. Even if you have a specific syllable count or structure you are using the contractions at times take away from the impact of the words.

Wonderful work,

~Taylor

And as each player moves their piece, confident and tall
They forget that they can move themselves, in the greatest game of all

Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


9 posted 04-17-2010 10:22 AM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

Thanks Taylor. It's usually dependent on the the rythm, to be honest. Sometimes they fit, other times not. But i can see where you're coming from. I'll keep that in mind for the future. (:
 
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