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Passions in Poetry

I'm still here.

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Falling rain
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0 posted 03-10-2010 08:26 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Please read this out loud to yourself. Words have more power when they're read aloud.
---------------------------------------------------


I've been broken and beaten
and I'm still here

I've been cursed at and weary
but I'm still here

I've lost some hope and gained new ground
and I'm still here

I've been left for my soul to die
But I'm still here

I've been forsaken by those who forsaken
And I'm still here

There hasn't been a challenge that I couldn't rise to
That's why I'm still here


there's always hope....

[This message has been edited by Falling rain (03-11-2010 08:59 AM).]

© Copyright 2010 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
XxForever.BrokenxX
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since 01-20-2008
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Neverland


1 posted 03-10-2010 09:48 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

[Reading it out loud really did make a difference.] Never give up trying to hope 'cause once you get a grasp of it, you'll be able to move in the other direction.
I have hope for you Zach, and maybe that's not enough right now but I know that I understand everything you told me, and that I've gone through what you explained. If I of all people can get through that, then you can.
I know it will pass.  I'm not trying to sound all.. whatever, but I mean what I say. Like I said, I put a lot of thought into these things. I still care, and I'll listen to whatever you have to say. It doesn't matter how long we haven't talked, you can trust me.



{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

Mysteria
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2 posted 03-10-2010 10:28 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

This is a great affirmation!
Leanne <3
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since 08-25-2007
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3 posted 03-11-2010 12:22 AM       View Profile for Leanne <3   Email Leanne <3   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Leanne <3

Such a strong and assuring poem,
incredible write!!
-Lee
JenniferMaxwell
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4 posted 03-11-2010 04:17 AM       View Profile for JenniferMaxwell   Email JenniferMaxwell   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JenniferMaxwell

Not only will you rise, Zach, but your experience will make you a more compassionate and understanding person. I've seen that already in so many of your comments and poems. You've been there, you know what it feels likes and you lift others up when they need it the most. That's quite a gift, one I admire and respect.
Falling rain
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5 posted 03-11-2010 11:46 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Thanks Em! It was worth the aching waiting 5 mins for your comment. And thanks for always being there. Its much appreciated.

Mysteria, Thanks! That was my goal. To convince others and myself that there is hope.

Leanne, Thank you for the comment.

Jenn, Thank you! I hope that all this stuff that I've been through will turn out for the better in the end.  

Wish I could find love.. But all I find these days are superficial fish in shallow waters.

Zeigeist
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since 12-09-2009
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6 posted 03-11-2010 12:25 PM       View Profile for Zeigeist   Email Zeigeist   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Zeigeist

I like your strength in this one. Sometimes life is two steps forward and one step back. Sometimes all we can do is put our head down and hold tight to our convictions and keep plowing forward. The strength you gain from this will compound over the years.

Zeitgeist.
Falling rain
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7 posted 03-17-2010 12:57 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Thank you for your comment.

-Zach

Wish I could find love.. But all I find these days are superficial fish in shallow waters.

eternalbeauty
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since 03-23-2010
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NJ


8 posted 03-25-2010 07:51 PM       View Profile for eternalbeauty   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for eternalbeauty

i love thiss.!
Taylor See
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since 10-07-2008
Posts 55
North Carolina, US


9 posted 03-26-2010 02:37 PM       View Profile for Taylor See   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Taylor See

I really like the theme and ideas of this poem. Very powerful. And as someone said above me, reading it aloud makes a world of difference.

My only suggestion would be that the second lines ex "And I'm still here"
have less of an audible syllable punch then those with "But I'm still here."
I also like the added defiance "but" naturally injects into the poem, in stating the opposite.

Great work!

And as each player moves their piece, confident and tall
They forget that they can move themselves, in the greatest game of all

Falling rain
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10 posted 03-26-2010 03:00 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Thank you for the comment! Yeah I wasn't too sure about switching it up between "but" and "and." I don't know, It just sounded like it would have more of an impact if I wrote it that way. Thanks for reading!

-ZAch

Wish I could find love.. But all I find these days are superficial fish in shallow waters.

 
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