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 I Bit The Bullet But The Bullet Bit Me B
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Passions in Poetry

I Bit The Bullet But The Bullet Bit Me Back

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Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


0 posted 02-06-2010 03:01 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Octave

4th time lucky! It keeps getting taken off due to a naughty word. Woops.

Just an angry, silly piece. :/ I needed to get it out my system. It's a potenial song, so is in lyric format. Rythm and metre pretty off in places, but again, it's a potential song.
_____

I Bit The Bullet But The Bullet Bit Me Back

Donít come to me with your molten smiled eyes
That put me on a stupid twisted kind of high
I just want to run from me and maybe even you
Cos if I were in your shoes, I wouldnít pick me too

Am I just a playing piece upon your playing board?
Cos if I am then I think you have misconstrued the scores
Iím at the wrong end of the magnet and the wrong end of the stick
And the obvious flies at my face and hits me like a brick

I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back
And how come Iím the one whoís taking all the slack?
I look in the mirror and think I deserve the slap
But hey, maybe itís about time I learned to fight back
Cos I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back

Iíll put on a lonely song and sing a lonely tune
And drown in my self pity and my futile swoons
Iíll paint your face upon a dart and throw it out my head
But itíll fly straight back in and hit me instead

I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back
And how come Iím the one whoís taking all the slack?
I look in the mirror and think I deserve the slap
But hey, maybe itís about time I learned to fight back
Cos I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back

Iíll paint a pretty picture and smear it on my mind
And rip it down and chew it up and spit at what I find
Itís just a silly world spinning on a silly kind of tilt
And I just want to throw it away and make you feel some guilt

I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back
And how come Iím the one whoís taking all the slack?
I look in the mirror and think I deserve the slap
But hey, maybe itís about time I learned to fight back
Cos I bit the bullet but the bullet bit me back

Donít come to me with your molten smiled eyes
That put me on a stupid twisted kind of high
I just want to run from me and maybe even you
Cos if I were in your shoes, I wouldnít pick me too
Yeah. I wouldnít pick me too.
© Copyright 2010 Octave - All Rights Reserved
unfinishedlife
Junior Member
since 03-06-2010
Posts 22


1 posted 03-06-2010 10:06 PM       View Profile for unfinishedlife   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for unfinishedlife

Definately off in some areas, but I am no critic for things of that sort. All of my writings are off as well, lyrics or traditional I can never seem to get anything perfect...
This would make a nice song I think.
The refrain was repeated quite often though... It kind of got old.
It may help to switch the words in it around somehow or add in a new idea during it... but very nice.

Innocence cannot be afforded

Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


2 posted 03-13-2010 04:51 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

Yeah i agree, it could do with some tweaking. I'm hoping if i do make it into a song i can twist it a little to make it work. As poem, however, it is wrong in places.
Hmm. i'll def. have a play around with that part then. Thanks very much for the crit!
 
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