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Unanswered Questions

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the_inner_me11
Junior Member
since 05-12-2009
Posts 15


0 posted 02-01-2010 10:35 PM       View Profile for the_inner_me11   Email the_inner_me11   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for the_inner_me11

So I haven't written in a while, but I'd love to know what you think.(:


When I need you near, your never here.
When I want you close, your farther than most.
How can I tell you I'm breaking apart?
How can I show you when you weren't here from the start?
Why cant you hear the struggle in my voice?
Why cant you notice the pain behind each choice?
What can I say to make you see?
What can I do so you'll know to help me?

© Copyright 2010 the_inner_me11 - All Rights Reserved
Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


1 posted 02-02-2010 07:56 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

I really like this for its flow and wording. Good job
BrittanyJ
Member
since 06-03-2007
Posts 460
Come find me?


2 posted 03-02-2010 03:41 PM       View Profile for BrittanyJ   Email BrittanyJ   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BrittanyJ

"When I want you close, your farther than most."

This line could use a little work. The rhyme seemed a little forced. But otherwise i love this! Good write

Do you really love me? Or should i just let go now??

 
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