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 Uh my first poem... lol
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Passions in Poetry

Uh my first poem... lol

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zuratai
New Member
since 01-16-2010
[First Post] 4


0 posted 01-16-2010 03:38 AM       View Profile for zuratai   Email zuratai   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for zuratai


Everytime I look into your face
I feel like I won some kind of race
becuase you are my hearts greatest trophy
I always want to hold you so tight
and when I do my heart takes flight
All my pains disappear when you are near
I only have one fear, and that is iam going to
lose you my dear...

But now my fear is coming true.
Oh what can I do.
I am so very much in love with you
What can i say so I can be with you another day
Emotions locked inside, Jealousy I cant reside
Do you truly love me back this thought i cannot hide...

Now I know the truth our love was a lie, oh why did
i become so attached becuase now i want to die, denying
what you said my hearts almost dead, if only i read the hints
that you put ahead....
© Copyright 2010 zuratai - All Rights Reserved
Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


1 posted 01-16-2010 01:42 PM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

zuratai

I wish my first poem was even close to as good as yours.  You share so much emotion, longing and the questions we so often have about love.  All I can say is - Wow!

Wow for first poem efforts.
Wow for expressing yourself so well.
Wow for sharing your first poem in your first PiP posting.

I am truly looking forward to reading more of your poetry as you write it.  Also, take time when you can to read and comment on other's work.  Comments are like seeds in a garden.  The more you comment, the more people come to read and share their thoughts about your poetry.

Welcome to PiP. If you have any questions feel free to drop me a line.  It's a pleasure to have you among us.

Alison
zuratai
New Member
since 01-16-2010
Posts 4


2 posted 01-16-2010 03:56 PM       View Profile for zuratai   Email zuratai   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for zuratai

thnx i was really bored so i just felt like writing one..
Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 01-27-2008
Posts 9055
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!


3 posted 01-17-2010 12:45 AM       View Profile for Alison   Email Alison   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alison

Well who knew where boredom would take you, huh.  

Klassy Lassy
Member Elite
since 06-28-2005
Posts 2181
Oregon


4 posted 01-17-2010 01:45 AM       View Profile for Klassy Lassy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Klassy Lassy

welcome!  Your poem makes me think of the roller coaster emotions of being young and in love, because the feelings are so intense and the desire to hold on so deep... But there is always a magic, no matter how old you get.

It is a good first poem. And when you write for a while and look back, it's really interesting to see how the writing evolves.  
MadMarcus
Junior Member
since 11-25-2009
Posts 25
Sweden, Solna


5 posted 01-17-2010 06:54 PM       View Profile for MadMarcus   Email MadMarcus   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for MadMarcus

Fantastic poem ^^ Really touched my heart <3

Bridget
New Member
since 07-04-2009
Posts 9
IOWA, USA.


6 posted 01-18-2010 05:06 PM       View Profile for Bridget   Email Bridget   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bridget

Oh my
This is really good
Keep up the good work
(:
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


7 posted 01-19-2010 06:32 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

Hey, welcome to PIP. This is a great first poem. I hope to see more soon.


{~~*~~}

EmilyTheStrange
{~~*~~}
I have a pet unicorn...his name is Flavius, as in Flavius Belby. Flavius does not like gumballs..

m48
Member
since 12-02-2009
Posts 106


8 posted 01-20-2010 02:01 PM       View Profile for m48   Email m48   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for m48

nicly written and good expression of feelings.i also liked the title.lol.


ps welcome to pip.
precious pearls
Member
since 07-24-2009
Posts 110
NJ; United States


9 posted 01-21-2010 09:29 PM       View Profile for precious pearls   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for precious pearls

loved it! very good...made me sentimental lol
~good job!~

Always,
   Kai (a.k.a. precious pearls)

Jeremy
Junior Member
since 01-29-2010
Posts 14


10 posted 01-29-2010 04:50 PM       View Profile for Jeremy   Email Jeremy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Jeremy

enjoyed it!
Ravagence
Member
since 08-16-2009
Posts 79


11 posted 01-29-2010 04:52 PM       View Profile for Ravagence   Email Ravagence   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ravagence

I dunno about the rhyming but it's good other than that.
nehematala
Member
since 05-21-2009
Posts 129


12 posted 01-31-2010 05:29 PM       View Profile for nehematala   Email nehematala   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nehematala

this is a really good poem. keep writing
Emi<3Naruto =]
Junior Member
since 09-05-2009
Posts 32


13 posted 02-03-2010 01:22 AM       View Profile for Emi<3Naruto =]   Email Emi<3Naruto =]   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Emi<3Naruto =]

congratulations on your first peom it was really good!
 
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