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Passions in Poetry

Tree Of Knowledge

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Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


0 posted 12-22-2009 11:29 AM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Octave

Wrote this ages ago. It's a bit...smelly. :/ I'm not too keen on it, but have a read.

Tree Of Knowledge

Standing in the twisted shade
Of a thought that I know made
Every mistake that burns my skin
With the ragged breath that I draw in

Feet are rooted to this lonely place
That flicker shadows across my face
Darkness falls and soothes the tears
Darkness falls and coaxes fears

Into a hollow that probes my chest
With an empty beat that breaks my breast
Nails claw the mask from view
A mask that people thought they knew

How wrong they were, how very wrong
To think they’d already heard this song
A ragged lament that scrapes the sky
With an aguish great they can’t deny

Agony flees with such a grace
That it tears the tears straight from my face
Bones that crumble, melting me
Lips are beaded with an empty plea

Curled beneath the wilting tree
That shelters, breaks and ponders me
Knowing every mistake that burns my skin
Is one that I now must wallow in.
© Copyright 2009 Octave - All Rights Reserved
m48
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since 12-02-2009
Posts 106


1 posted 12-22-2009 11:48 AM       View Profile for m48   Email m48   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for m48

wow intreging. well written, and really made me think.
Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


2 posted 12-22-2009 04:20 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Wow This is my favorite out of all your poems. I don't know why but i love it so much. But my only critique is that when you said "Nails claw the mask from view," the rhythm was off. (Not that I'm an expert on rhythm) I just noticed it. This is going into my library for sure.
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


3 posted 12-22-2009 04:53 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

Just excellent!
Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


4 posted 01-01-2010 07:01 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

Wow, thanks guys. (: I was rather suprised at your comments as i found this a bit wishy washy when i read it through. Yeah, there are a few bumpy bits in there. Sometimes it reads through alright and other times it just won't fit in!
 
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