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 Unfinished
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Passions in Poetry

Unfinished

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Ravagence
Member
since 08-16-2009
Posts 79


0 posted 12-17-2009 04:10 PM       View Profile for Ravagence   Email Ravagence   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ravagence

I know my previous few poems were really bland and sort'a sucked. But I think this one is coming along. I need a name and I want to know if you guys and gals want me to continue the poem?


Outreached arms, with
Screams of terror.
Loss

Children, Mothers,
Fathers. PainSuffering, and
Loss.

Soldiers hauling,
kids and supplies away.
Their houses, burning in the midnight.

Gunshots ringing through stale air.
Peace disturbed by those
bloody, screams.

Soldiers guarding their hostages at gunpoint,
Tears running down their
Emotionless faces.

Sorrow passed
around the hamlet,
Doleful; Melancholy; Depressed.

Bland colours,
blood red sheets,
severed lives, and dirty feet.


An unfinished story,
of a little villa, ripped
apart by the devil's clutches.

Cut off in mid sentence,
by a serrated blade,
coated in venom.

Pages torn
voraciously from previous chapters,
It's history stalled.

**Edited twice. First two OTHER comments are for the old edits.

[This message has been edited by Ravagence (12-18-2009 07:02 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 Ravagence - All Rights Reserved
m48
Member
since 12-02-2009
Posts 106


1 posted 12-18-2009 01:38 PM       View Profile for m48   Email m48   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for m48

structure, it lacks smooth change from one verse to the next. and as far as tittles,
"a day in the life of war"
Ravagence
Member
since 08-16-2009
Posts 79


2 posted 12-18-2009 03:37 PM       View Profile for Ravagence   Email Ravagence   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ravagence

I was under the impression the "lack of smooth transitions" added to the ugliness of the poem. Could I be wrong?
 
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