2 POEMS!!! - pipTalk Forums

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lkuey126
New Member

since 2009-12-14

Posts 1

0 posted 2009-12-14 02:48 PM

Hey, I am a new user to this website and would like some feedback on my two new poems. They are both about teen loves which end.

My first poem - "The Path of Forever"-

As hard as I try to forget,
Part of me is gone.
Memory keeps crawling back,
But what’s done is done

Your reflection in the mirror,
Brings your dark side out,
Remembering the hate,
The fear and the doubt.

You won’t last forever,
And time will catch up on you
Don’t wish your life away,
Or Death will take that from you too

When you feel like you’re defeated,
Life will send you a sign
That you are not alone,
Just give it time.

My memories will never change,
I wish you luck on your endeavor
So you pack your bags, shedding a tear,
Down the path of forever...

__________________________________________

My second poem - "The Shattered Remains of my Heart-

Why love someone who grabs your heart
Then rips it up in front of you?

I look at the bright side of life,
Then flee when they clouds chase me

The nightmares begin,
I can't do this without you

I gave you my heart
And told you to be careful

But you threw it to the ground
And smashed it to pieces

I am alone, no-one to hold
All I have left is

A broken heart
And no glue to mend it

______________________________

Thanks, I look forward to the feedback:

Luke

P.S- All rights reserved. (C) 2009-2010 Luke Morley

m48
Member

since 2009-12-02

Posts 108

1 posted 2009-12-14 06:01 PM

i liked both for diffrent reasons the first one was well written. i liked the message. the second is becouse i have been there. both becouse they made me think.

and welcome.from m48.

Mysteria

Member Laureate

since 2001-03-07

Posts 18328
British Columbia, Canada

2 posted 2009-12-14 07:42 PM

Welcome to Passions Ikuey126, your first posting sure tells the story of many a young love been and gone. You may have gotten more feedback is you had posted them as separate poems though.

Check your email for a special welcome from all of us.

Happy Holidays
♥ Mysteria ♥

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