How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 A Pretty Plastic Planet
 1 2 3 4 5
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

A Pretty Plastic Planet

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


0 posted 12-10-2009 02:09 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Octave

Rythm and rhyme are both pretty out in places, but i wasn't too fussed with those aspects. Was just trying something different and concentrating more on imagery than pretty flow.


A Pretty Plastic Planet

Lying in the dew stained grass
Ink stained fingers pinching blades
Pulling them straight from their birth
With the scent of sickened earth

Sky splattered out over empty head
A ruffled blanket of sleazed mistakes
Which spin drunkenly, mauling light
Probing stars and splintered night

Yellowed fingers are stalking sun
Seeking the cracks that line the world
Which lie in an advert lined cardboard box
Held with humour and paper locks

Weaving distaste between the faults
And millions of failed futile points
Encumbered with meaningless metaphors
Which sink the ship and lick the floors

Soaking up the damp warmth of defeat
Which drips down my face in wasted sweat
Lying in the gutter of a squandered existence
Merrily oblivious to this humanity caused mess.

[This message has been edited by Octave (12-11-2009 03:29 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 Octave - All Rights Reserved
Belinda
Member
since 01-30-2006
Posts 126
UK


1 posted 12-10-2009 03:40 PM       View Profile for Belinda   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Belinda

YES, i loved it. There was just so much to see and the words just .. played in my mouth. Sounds pretty weird huh, but it's true.
I really enjoyed this write, nice work.

Belinda~*

Expect nothing, Prepare for anything.

Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


2 posted 12-12-2009 08:36 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Octave's done it again! Created another masterpiece with ease. (Library)

-Zach
Ravagence
Member
since 08-16-2009
Posts 79


3 posted 12-12-2009 12:07 PM       View Profile for Ravagence   Email Ravagence   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ravagence

You are amazing. I find this poem like a glass of cold lemonade on a hot summers day. It's almost delicious. I could eat it everyday for the rest of my life. It's been a pleasure to read it.
Mysteria
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


4 posted 12-12-2009 02:09 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

I can't tell you have wonderful this poem read out loud!  Beautifully thought out, constructed, and presented.  Kudos!  Your imagery and scene setting was just dead on.

                 
Happy Holidays
♥ Mysteria ♥
Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


5 posted 12-15-2009 11:49 AM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

Wow, thanks for all the comments everyone! It makes me very happy to hear such positive feedback, especially on a poem i wrote totally on a whim. (:
 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> A Pretty Plastic Planet Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors