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Passions in Poetry

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Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


0 posted 10-10-2009 12:46 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Octave

Euuugh. Had a go at some free verse. I truely suck at it. Crit very much welcome.

Back To Back

How lonesome
That sun must be
Sitting upon the sky
The clouds slink by and
The rays are soaked with greed.
With such greed.

And how lonesome
That moon must be,
Sitting amongst the stars
The dark a blanket
Upon silver shoulders
As otherís sleep on by.

Each oblivious to the other
As they guard
The brooding heavens.
Shining weakly
Shining weakly,
Fixed upon this plate.

Waiting for that moment
Where they meet
Face to face.
If only existence
Were not so cruel.
© Copyright 2009 Octave - All Rights Reserved
priyanka
Member
since 06-15-2009
Posts 212
india


1 posted 10-10-2009 06:22 PM       View Profile for priyanka   Email priyanka   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for priyanka

Imaginative...
Great write...
I'm picturing the stars and moon and their loneliness...
great write!
Falling rain
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Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


2 posted 10-10-2009 10:07 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Wish I had half your talent. My imagery doesn't come close with what you can come up with. Amazing imagery, dazzling words. Though I like it when you rhyme.

-Zach

"Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I'm not perfect" - Bob Marley

Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


3 posted 10-16-2009 08:46 AM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Octave

Thank you so much, both of you.

Ah, you know thats not true Zach. (:
 
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