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 She Sweeps West
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Passions in Poetry

She Sweeps West

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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member
since 03-23-2007
Posts 623
Space Camp, IN


0 posted 08-30-2009 01:05 PM       View Profile for Clockwork_Orange   Email Clockwork_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Clockwork_Orange's Home Page   View IP for Clockwork_Orange


forget me not
she says as she heads towards the door
to make her leave
with a good bye look the world shook
and i fell down
crushed by the weight of a troubled fate
we still hear the sound

i swear ill write back to you
she said with a grin
postcards and photographs
are her only friend
as she makes her way
from east new york to west LA
she can find what it means

to be alone again

and i wasnt there the night
she finished her last cigarette
and then she said it smells like home
and thats the one place i belong
so she packed her bags
and caught the last flight of the night
to make her way home

~ you cant run from yourself ~

© Copyright 2009 Bryan Lucas - All Rights Reserved
nina1522
Member
since 02-14-2009
Posts 189


1 posted 08-30-2009 09:42 PM       View Profile for nina1522   Email nina1522   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nina1522

good poem i can relate to this. the guy i dated had to go back to france, it was a terrible experience and i wish he didnt leave
kindredspirit
Member
since 05-19-2009
Posts 156


2 posted 08-31-2009 02:48 PM       View Profile for kindredspirit   Email kindredspirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kindredspirit

good write.
hunnie_girl
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 06-18-2006
Posts 2539
Canada


3 posted 09-10-2009 08:39 PM       View Profile for hunnie_girl   Email hunnie_girl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for hunnie_girl

good poem CO good to be reading your thoughts again.
Krysti
Ingrediants
New Member
since 09-13-2009
Posts 8


4 posted 09-13-2009 11:38 PM       View Profile for Ingrediants   Email Ingrediants   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ingrediants

You write well, keep it up.
precious pearls
Member
since 07-24-2009
Posts 110
NJ; United States


5 posted 09-14-2009 09:51 PM       View Profile for precious pearls   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for precious pearls

awwwww that was a real sweet poem, i like it alot... loved ur word patterns and the way you said things
"to make her leave
with a good bye look the world shook
and i fell down
crushed by the weight of a troubled fate
we still hear the sound"
Loved the simple way you put them yet they were so deep.... marvelous poem...

Always,
   Kai (a.k.a. precious pearls)

Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 10-23-2007
Posts 330
that So Cal


6 posted 10-05-2009 03:00 AM       View Profile for Assassin_of_Verse   Email Assassin_of_Verse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Assassin_of_Verse

"crushed by the weight of a troubled fate"
Ouch, I know what that can be like...

Anyway, nice to come back and read things I can relate to. I liked your wordplay (made me do a double-take) and the overall mood. To me, it didn't seem all that sad, but more sorry and nostalgic, as if there's more to the story.

Thanks for sharing.

There is power in the pen.

 
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