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Teen Poetry #9
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My Tragedy
| Teen Poetry #9 |
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My Tragedy |
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Love_Skull Junior Member
since 2008-07-15
Posts 44 |
Dead inside To much in life going wrong No one even tries to tell me everything will be okay anymore They know they would be lying Its sad, my life Depressing even No one knows whats behind the mask The mask i put on daily I hide behind it To make sure i dont get hurt I have barriers, masks, walls... all built to protect me from the world It hurts, even being protected I fake smiles, fake happiness I dont let anyone get to close unless i kno they wont cause any pain But they still can get hurt Which hurts me just as bad as it did them Whether its a car accident, when the driver didn't have his headlights on at night in the pouring rain She just got a fractured knee and got scraped up, my cousin / friend Or whether its cancer She could die any moment, my Aunt And the worst one that happened... death. She died April 5th, my cousin... my closest family member But these all happen to people... And it drags a knife through me each time something like that happens to someone who gets past my barrier And i still walk around every day and hop that just maybe there would be a better tomorrow than today And each and every day, its the same life i wake up to The same world, the same problems And i still walk around, with my wall up and ready My mask on, my walls up I walk into the world My barrier there, my sheild surrounding me I walk out and hope Every moment, i hope for a better life to come To hit me like the car that hit my friend Every second i hope for death to come sooner Without pain or suffering, like my cousins Every night i lie awake I wish for a better tomorrow Every morning i slowly get out of bed Realizing what tragedy i woke up to By: Leah Stonis |
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Assassin_of_Verse Member
since 2007-10-23
Posts 330that So Cal |
"To much in life going wrong" To me, the above line is kinda broad for this poem. I can see that the examples u presented (cancer, death of a friend) are pretty big. Huge even. But I think ud strengthen ur message by narrowing just wat things in life are going wrong. Also, the feeling i got from ur poem was very urban. Shields, walls, masks, they're either very concrete or made for on the go, similar to that of the city or urban neighborhood. Maybe that's the kind of feeling u were goin for. Um, if u were going for a variety, u could list things like forests or fields. They're very useful for hiding, especially in the dark. (That's if ur going broad...) Overall, i liked ur examples and the raw feeling it gave me. Felt like the narrator was dragging along a heap of trouble, or even sorrow. It had a bit of a cynical and realistic edge at the end, when the narrator realizes just what he (or she) wakes up to. Btw, if ur basing this off ur experience(s), I REALy hope things look up. There is power in the pen. |
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