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Passions in Poetry

My Tragedy

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Love_Skull
Junior Member
since 07-15-2008
Posts 44


0 posted 08-18-2009 12:34 AM       View Profile for Love_Skull   Email Love_Skull   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Love_Skull


Dead inside
To much in life going wrong
No one even tries to tell me everything will be okay anymore
They know they would be lying

Its sad, my life
Depressing even
No one knows whats behind the mask
The mask i put on daily

I hide behind it
To make sure i dont get hurt
I have barriers, masks, walls... all built to protect me from the world
It hurts, even being protected

I fake smiles, fake happiness
I dont let anyone get to close unless i kno they wont cause any pain
But they still can get hurt
Which hurts me just as bad as it did them

Whether its a car accident, when the driver didn't have his headlights on at night in the pouring rain
She just got a fractured knee and got scraped up, my cousin / friend
Or whether its cancer
She could die any moment, my Aunt

And the worst one that happened... death.
She died April 5th, my cousin... my closest family member
But these all happen to people...
And it drags a knife through me each time something like that happens to someone who gets past my barrier

And i still walk around every day and hop that just maybe there would be a better tomorrow than today
And each and every day, its the same life i wake up to
The same world, the same problems
And i still walk around, with my wall up and ready

My mask on, my walls up
I walk into the world
My barrier there, my sheild surrounding me
I walk out and hope

Every moment, i hope for a better life to come
To hit me like the car that hit my friend
Every second i hope for death to come sooner
Without pain or suffering, like my cousins

Every night i lie awake
I wish for a better tomorrow
Every morning i slowly get out of bed
Realizing what tragedy i woke up to

By: Leah Stonis
© Copyright 2009 Love_Skull - All Rights Reserved
Assassin_of_Verse
Member
since 10-23-2007
Posts 330
that So Cal


1 posted 08-21-2009 02:50 AM       View Profile for Assassin_of_Verse   Email Assassin_of_Verse   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Assassin_of_Verse

"To much in life going wrong"

To me, the above line is kinda broad for this poem. I can see that the examples u presented (cancer, death of a friend) are pretty big. Huge even. But I think ud strengthen ur message by narrowing just wat things in life are going wrong.

Also, the feeling i got from ur poem was very urban. Shields, walls, masks, they're either very concrete or made for on the go, similar to that of the city or urban neighborhood. Maybe that's the kind of feeling u were goin for. Um, if u were going for a variety, u could list things like forests or fields. They're very useful for hiding, especially in the dark. (That's if ur going broad...)

Overall, i liked ur examples and the raw feeling it gave me. Felt like the narrator was dragging along a heap of trouble, or even sorrow. It had a bit of a cynical and realistic edge at the end, when the narrator realizes just what he (or she) wakes up to.

Btw, if ur basing this off ur experience(s), I REALy hope things look up.

There is power in the pen.

 
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