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 Teen Poetry #9
 Untitled so far.
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Passions in Poetry

Untitled so far.

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Falling rain
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0 posted 08-12-2009 02:18 PM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

As contrasting skin tones smear
My eyes lost in your icy blue
Color brushed against the canvas
Marveling at all the hues

As your hand laces within mine
Warmth running down my nerves
Stars shining in your eyes
Where here I observe

Your rosy lips brush lightly
Against my porcelain skin
Enticed by the unjust wrong
Like any forbidden sin

Thoughts whisper like a lullaby
Your hand flutters against my cheek
Setting my heart in flight
And my knees growing weak

My thoughts form on my lips
"I love you" is all that's heard
A smile created on you lips
"I love you more" is all that's muttered.
    

---------------------------------------------------
This is for my boyfriend, Johnny. If anyone thinks of a title I'd love to know.

[This message has been edited by Falling rain (08-12-2009 02:55 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
crosscountry83
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since 07-30-2009
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1 posted 08-13-2009 05:17 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

In the second to last line, I think you made a typo... you should be your.  And in the last line, I would change "is all that's" to "is what's" but that's just me.  It works well either way.  Nice imagery and feeling, and also the emotion.  Thanks for letting us see into your life.

Rileigh
ninjawild
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since 08-11-2009
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u.s. army


2 posted 08-13-2009 06:51 PM       View Profile for ninjawild   Email ninjawild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ninjawild

you put a lot of thought into it.. and as for a title heres my suggestion: "in the moment".. this is about holding hands, kissing, and teling your loved one that you love them.. its the feeling you get in the moment that sums up your overall feelings with them.. kudos..
crosscountry83
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3 posted 08-13-2009 07:11 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Hmmm I guess I should've added a suggestion.  Mine is:  Lost in Love

Rileigh
crosscountry83
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4 posted 08-21-2009 12:14 AM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

*bump*
Clockwork_Orange
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5 posted 08-21-2009 05:23 PM       View Profile for Clockwork_Orange   Email Clockwork_Orange   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Clockwork_Orange's Home Page   View IP for Clockwork_Orange

hows about "canvas of colors"?
Falling rain
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6 posted 08-22-2009 09:23 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Ehhh.. I don't really want ot title it now. My boyfriend and ?I broke up so the poem is sort of a waste. *sigh* Oh well. It was good

-Zach
crosscountry83
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7 posted 08-22-2009 11:16 AM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

:O I'm sorry. Your right, it is a good poem though.

Rileigh
Falling rain
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8 posted 08-22-2009 11:32 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Its okay. things will get better someday.
 
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