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Teen Poetry #9
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Falling rain
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0 posted 2009-08-12 02:18 PM


As contrasting skin tones smear
My eyes lost in your icy blue
Color brushed against the canvas
Marveling at all the hues

As your hand laces within mine
Warmth running down my nerves
Stars shining in your eyes
Where here I observe

Your rosy lips brush lightly
Against my porcelain skin
Enticed by the unjust wrong
Like any forbidden sin

Thoughts whisper like a lullaby
Your hand flutters against my cheek
Setting my heart in flight
And my knees growing weak

My thoughts form on my lips
"I love you" is all that's heard
A smile created on you lips
"I love you more" is all that's muttered.
    

---------------------------------------------------
This is for my boyfriend, Johnny. If anyone thinks of a title I'd love to know.

[This message has been edited by Falling rain (08-12-2009 02:55 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
crosscountry83
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since 2009-07-30
Posts 345

1 posted 2009-08-13 05:17 PM


In the second to last line, I think you made a typo... you should be your.  And in the last line, I would change "is all that's" to "is what's" but that's just me.  It works well either way.  Nice imagery and feeling, and also the emotion.  Thanks for letting us see into your life.

Rileigh

ninjawild
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since 2009-08-11
Posts 33
u.s. army
2 posted 2009-08-13 06:51 PM


you put a lot of thought into it.. and as for a title heres my suggestion: "in the moment".. this is about holding hands, kissing, and teling your loved one that you love them.. its the feeling you get in the moment that sums up your overall feelings with them.. kudos..
crosscountry83
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since 2009-07-30
Posts 345

3 posted 2009-08-13 07:11 PM


Hmmm I guess I should've added a suggestion.  Mine is:  Lost in Love

Rileigh

crosscountry83
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since 2009-07-30
Posts 345

4 posted 2009-08-21 12:14 PM


*bump*
Clockwork_Orange
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since 2007-03-23
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Space Camp, IN
5 posted 2009-08-21 05:23 PM


hows about "canvas of colors"?
Falling rain
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6 posted 2009-08-22 09:23 AM


Ehhh.. I don't really want ot title it now. My boyfriend and ?I broke up so the poem is sort of a waste. *sigh* Oh well. It was good

-Zach

crosscountry83
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since 2009-07-30
Posts 345

7 posted 2009-08-22 11:16 AM


:O I'm sorry. Your right, it is a good poem though.

Rileigh

Falling rain
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8 posted 2009-08-22 11:32 AM


Its okay. things will get better someday.
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