How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 She is
 1 2 3 4
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

She is

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


0 posted 08-06-2009 08:52 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain


She's the one who catches my breath
The shivers up and down my spine
The heat she casts upon my heart
Is burning yet I feel fine

The grip around my heart
The wings of my soul flying
Yet I can't help myself
Fear for going and trying

Her angelic voice sings
Lullaby's that put me at ease
Feather like touch brushing my skin
Doing what ever she please

She's the one who catches my breath
The shivers up and down my spine
The heat she casts upon my heart
Is burning yet I feel fine


--------------------------------------
Just trying to write something today. Tell me what you think about it.
© Copyright 2009 Zach Booker-Scott - All Rights Reserved
XxForever.BrokenxX
Senior Member
since 01-20-2008
Posts 887
Neverland


1 posted 08-06-2009 02:44 PM       View Profile for XxForever.BrokenxX   Email XxForever.BrokenxX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for XxForever.BrokenxX

I guess I owe you a reply.  
But to answer your question first, things are okay with me, not the greatest but whatever.
----------------
Nice write, I like it.

{~~*~~}


Lacrimosa Dies Illa
[Oh that tearful day]
    {~~*~~}

[This message has been edited by XxForever.BrokenxX (08-06-2009 03:20 PM).]

crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


2 posted 08-12-2009 01:59 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

I think it has very good tone.  I think it should be "feather-like" not "feather like" though.

Rileigh
ninjawild
Junior Member
since 08-11-2009
Posts 33
u.s. army


3 posted 08-13-2009 06:56 PM       View Profile for ninjawild   Email ninjawild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ninjawild

a nice read.. but i was wanting more.. i dont think you summed it all up in this short writing..
LoveAbounds
Junior Member
since 07-15-2009
Posts 38


4 posted 08-22-2009 05:30 PM       View Profile for LoveAbounds   Email LoveAbounds   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LoveAbounds

Up until now, I have made no genuine effort to understand any poetry other than the kind that flows the way I'm accustomed to. I am not accustomed to reading poems like yours, because it does not have the concrete rhythm I prefer. Nevertheless, to me it is a good poem now that I have taken the time to read and understand it. In addition to that, I like both the flow and the content.

Forgive me for my poor critique and reviewing skills. I have never done this before.

"For God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of love, and of power, and of a sound mind." - 2 Timothy 1:7

 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> She is Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors