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Passions in Poetry

Becoming Who We Are

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crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
[First Post] 335


0 posted 07-30-2009 01:28 AM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for crosscountry83

I don't think I'm very good at writing poetry; it just helps to have some way to get my feelings out.  Any comments at all would be aprieciated.

Here I am:
standing, waiting, wondering.
Why am I here?
What is going on?

In my head, forces argue
but work together at once,
Many minds act as one person.  
Isn't that what society is?

There is the will to stand out,
to do something extraordinary,
but another to find meaning in the world.
What does my life mean?

There is no time to think,
even about what matters.
The demands to live divert the question:
What is beyond life?

The insignificant concerns us so much,
we cannot even try to imagine
what is actually occurring.
Is the world really as we see it?

So much going on...
Emotions and the will to hide them...
Being human, but wanting more...
Changing from within...
Does the stive for perfection ever end?

I try to understand what is happening,  
The answers to life - and death -
hiding in a cold stone prison inside my mind.
Where is the key?

There is no key,
so here I am, beating uselessly on the walls of the prison.  
There are more questions, waiting to be found
How is that possible?

Every day we talk,
but cannot say what we mean.
Words exlplain nothing of what's inside us.
Why do we still try?

It seems we are in cages.  
Trying to break free,
Trying to understand.
How did the cages become so strong?

I want to shut it out.
Block out everything that hurts
carefully let in what will help.
Is that the only way?

I want to rest alone in my head
and use that cage for protection instead.
There's so much confusion about questions.
How can I manage?

What does it mean to live?
What does it mean to die?
Am I the only one,
feeling the way I am feeling?

guilty of the uncontrolable...  
confused by life...  
Trying to picture the future...  
What will be thrown at me next?

Here I am, still,
standing, waiting, wondering.
Who am I going to be?
What comes next?  

I need some help.

[This message has been edited by crosscountry83 (07-30-2009 10:13 PM).]

© Copyright 2009 Rileigh - All Rights Reserved
freeand2sexy
Senior Member
since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


1 posted 07-30-2009 07:28 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Welcome to Pip!!!

I like this poem, probably because I can relate to it, somehow. Why don't you try adding some imagery, it might help.

The hardest part about writing poetry,
is trying not to write like everyone else.

crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


2 posted 07-30-2009 09:13 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Hmmm I tried to have some extended metaphor, but imagery is a good idea, I'll try that.

Also, I'm not very good with titles, so if anyone has ideas feel free to let me know!

[This message has been edited by crosscountry83 (07-30-2009 10:17 PM).]

Romanticy
New Member
since 07-28-2009
Posts 3
Florida, US


3 posted 07-31-2009 02:27 AM       View Profile for Romanticy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Romanticy

Thanks I appreciate it. Yea I was trying to express to the girl that i wrote that to that everyone has been done wrong before in life so just keep your head up and look forward to tomorrow, cause its a different day. Also i was also telling her that she has something special to her that I really like. But about your writting here to me it seems to jump from one thing to the other to quickly but also what you have writen is very deep. Sure people can relate to it but not to many people. But theres always the fact that poetry is used to express yourself so not everyone has to beable to relate to it.

Thats just how i look at it, but my suggestion would be is to kind of do what i do. Just pick A main thing to write about, say life and what i would do is start off like: Life has so many meanings,it brings ends but also new beginings,( i just might use that haha) then just go from there. Then as you get a hang of that you can put as much "deepness" as you want to and having the little rhyming words at the end always makes it better. Wow i wrote alot well hope some of that helps, feel free to ask any questions or clarification to what I said.
Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 01-31-2008
Posts 2165
Small town, Illinois


4 posted 07-31-2009 09:50 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Welcome to Pip!! Hope your liking things here on Pip. If you have any questions feel free to ask.

Your poem was good but like Christina said, more imagery would help a lot. I use a lot of imagery in my poems so if you want to see an example you can find some. Keep up the writing.

-Zach
crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


5 posted 07-31-2009 03:02 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Thanks for the replies, and I've changed it a bit from the beginning, but its pretty much the first poem I've written not for a school assignment.  Also, its more written for me than anyone else, so I think I'll leave it how it is.  I'll take the advice into consideration if I write anymore poems...

In case anyone wanted to know, this started out as an essay I wrote when I was just thinking a lot... It's harder than I thought too make it flow as poetry.

Rileigh
crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


6 posted 07-31-2009 03:05 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Romanticity, I am a little confused, who is "the girl" your referring to at the beginning or your post?

Rileigh
N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 369
New Orleans


7 posted 07-31-2009 11:19 PM       View Profile for N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet   Email N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet

I think she mis-posted.
Emi<3Naruto =]
Junior Member
since 09-05-2009
Posts 32


8 posted 02-03-2010 01:33 AM       View Profile for Emi<3Naruto =]   Email Emi<3Naruto =]   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Emi<3Naruto =]

this is good i can relate to it also. nice job.
-Elainey
Ethern
Member
since 07-01-2010
Posts 148
on a plane


9 posted 07-01-2010 11:33 PM       View Profile for Ethern   Email Ethern   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ethern

Many touching profundities in this write. Hard to absorb the richness of them all together though. If this poem was broken down and smaller poems were built on individual insights, they may be more effectual, and better appreciated, by myself of course.

kudos
crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


10 posted 07-04-2010 04:39 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Thanks, I actually wrote this a very long while ago. My other poems aren't really like this at all. Thanks for the advice.
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