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Teen Poetry #9
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Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620
Space Camp, IN

0 posted 2009-07-29 04:36 PM


taken from the world
before you ever knew its beauty
blue eyes just like mine
makes the pain go right through me

a smile and a hand to hold
never found your heart
the world was gone to fast
it all just fell apart

i dont know what else to do
so i sit here with my pen
and write theses last words for you
even though they dont make sense

i bled my pain into words
now only time will tell
if the scars can mend the cuts
and if i escape hell

lift the heavens high tonight
there's another on the way
close your eyes one last time
as they open up the gates

~ you cant run from yourself ~

© Copyright 2009 Bryan Lucas - All Rights Reserved
crosscountry83
Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345

1 posted 2009-07-31 12:07 PM


This poem is exemplary!  It's very sad, but I think the reson no one has commented on it is because it's too good.  You are pretty good at having meter... Spectacular job!
RevengeIsMine
Senior Member
since 2006-07-08
Posts 820
Australia
2 posted 2009-07-31 05:54 AM


OMFG... Sorry but u just took my socks and half my darn toes. this is.. more than good... more than great.. i'd say i was lost for words but i'm typing so yeah.. It's beyond the normal esquiteness of you..

WOW!!!

Falling rain
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2008-01-31
Posts 2178
Small town, Illinois
3 posted 2009-07-31 09:24 AM


I'm with Jess on this!! Dude, seriously, this was beyond good. One of your best for sure. Just wow. .I still can't get over what you wrote! Its just.. wow.. Okay I'm gonna stop talking. lol.

-Zach

Leanne <3
Member
since 2007-08-25
Posts 216
N.S.W, Australia
4 posted 2009-08-06 01:23 AM


wow, i am speechless
incredible use of words and emotion!

-Lee


precious pearls
Member
since 2009-07-24
Posts 110
NJ; United States
5 posted 2009-08-19 04:12 PM


"i bled my pain into words
now only time will tell
if the scars can mend the cuts
and if i escape hell"

TEARS WERE RUNNING DOWN MY FACE BY THE TIME I GOT TO THIS PART!!! Words cannot express the words I mean... just WOW, and wow doesn't even cover it man. I don't know how you get your poetry to be so deep... Definetely your best so far!

Truly Speechless,
        Kai

Clockwork_Orange
Senior Member
since 2007-03-23
Posts 620
Space Camp, IN
6 posted 2009-08-20 07:44 AM


thanks for all the feedback guys. i really like to see you all enjoyed it. really. thanks.
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