I thought this was a very interesting piece of writing. I'm not sure that I understand all of it, or that I'll ever be able too, but I loved the imagery.
I did find a couple spots that didn't ring true to the rest of the poem, or at least to my ear. Though, I'm just some random person who thinks they know something. The parts I stumbled over while reading aloud was "Sky fumbles with the pale shape” S2, L3, and “Down onto me and onto land” S6, L3. For some reason these two lines made my tongue stumble as if they were misplaced. The rhythm was lost in these two particular spots for me.
The title was unique and definitely caught my eye. I'm glad I took the time to read it, because it was well worth the time spent. You did an excellent job. It was a very enjoyable poem to read. I am looking forward to seeing more of your work!
Thanks for sharing.