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Passions in Poetry

Memories (revised)

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freeand2sexy
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since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


0 posted 07-19-2009 05:14 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy


I think I still need to work on the ending, so let me know what you think.


Memories migrate into my thoughts.
They bring the childhood
Where sliced lemons were doused in salt,
And boundary lines were thin,
So that even with the screams and stings
Of our chapped lips,
The sour excitement
Was still sucked out.

It left us parched
And not yet satisfied, so

We skipped on slippery grass,
Felt rain drops scamper down
The scaly skin
Of our elbows,
And felt the freeing cold,
As a mom was on the edge,
Panicking yet again,
That we could simply, hit our heads.

We were not attentive
To her fear,
Fearless, until

We heard the keys upon worn out jeans,
Of a man,
Who smiled a bit too big
And whistled a little too loud,
And as he came near
We ran, paranoid
By the stories we were told,
Of men kidnapping kids
Who were yet again to be seen,
So we avoided the smiling man
And his worn out jeans.

The hardest part about writing poetry,
is trying not to write like everyone else.

© Copyright 2009 Christine Juarez - All Rights Reserved
moonbeam
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1 posted 07-19-2009 05:20 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Pretty damned good job Christine .  I would write more but just have to get some sleep.  Maybe tomorrow.  Well done.
Falling rain
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2 posted 07-20-2009 10:42 AM       View Profile for Falling rain   Email Falling rain   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Falling rain's Home Page   View IP for Falling rain

Wow Christina. I couldn't even write something like this. It's really good and one of my favorites. I really love the first stanza over all.
freeand2sexy
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since 09-12-2008
Posts 703
CA, USA


3 posted 07-20-2009 08:58 PM       View Profile for freeand2sexy   Email freeand2sexy   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit freeand2sexy's Home Page   View IP for freeand2sexy

Thanks!

The hardest part about writing poetry,
is trying not to write like everyone else.

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