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 Wishes..
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Passions in Poetry

Wishes..

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broken_smile1469
Member
since 07-02-2006
Posts 104


0 posted 07-17-2009 11:39 PM       View Profile for broken_smile1469   Email broken_smile1469   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for broken_smile1469

I long to feel his touch
his soft gentle hand in mine
forever, i will love him
everything would be fine

the world would disappear
love would fill his eyes
our hearts both start pounding
when they become locked with mine

his arms then drape around me
pulling me closer to the man I adore
being so close together
would make my heart soar

he would gently touch my cheek
and slowly lift my head
look in my eyes and say
I will love you til the end

my eyes would slowly close
my heart would start to race
softly I feel his lips on mine
and his warm gentle embrace

although the distance may be far
someday it'll all come true
although at times it seems to hard
i'll finally get to be with you

"in a world of cheerios, be a fruit loop"
© Copyright 2009 Miranda Nelson - All Rights Reserved
crosscountry83
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 335


1 posted 07-31-2009 03:15 PM       View Profile for crosscountry83   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for crosscountry83

Beautiful poem... I thought it was all described well and I can see a good meter in it.  Maybe if you mess with the number of syllables in every line it would flow better?  Such as putting an "and" at the beginning of the 6th line.  If you don't, it's still very very good.  You have talent!
Keep it up

Rileigh
N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet
Member
since 07-30-2009
Posts 369
New Orleans


2 posted 07-31-2009 10:40 PM       View Profile for N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet   Email N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for N|D|N|C|Lost-Poet

Love is such a wonderful thing, you captured it quite well in your writing.

Though as it is said.

"Love is only as strong as you make it, only as magical as you give it, only as pure as you take it."

Beautifully captured.

-LostPoet
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