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 Lotta.
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Lotta.

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Octave
Member
since 07-29-2008
Posts 188
Highlands, Scotland.


0 posted 06-19-2009 05:36 PM       View Profile for Octave   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Octave

Inspired by a song called 'Song For Lotta' or also known as 'Sang Till Lotta'. COuld do with some tweaking. this is just a rough draft.

Lotta

The sun spews a golden sliver
Of light across my pale face
The first note is just a shiver
Winding down my spine with grace

Sleekest, faintest, sweetest notes
Gliding through the air around
Drifting down my open throat
As my heart falls to hit the ground

A tear slinks meekly to my eye
As my body swells in such a way
My breath is caught upon the high
And my limbs begin to sway

A sadness walks hand in hand
With happiness so pure and great
Too wrong to try and understand
As my next breath cannot await

The mellow, aching, clinging sound
That gouges deep down into me
Something that cannot be found
Greater than what can be seen

Tears of comfort lick my cheeks
Stinging wounds I never knew
As my poise clatters to my feet
As each and every note breaks through

And there it is in one single piece
A throbbing loneliness that carves me deep
Wedding happiness which begs to cease
A smile accompanies me as I weep

And the sun spews a golden sliver
Of light across my pale face
The last note is just a shiver
Winding through my heart with grace.
© Copyright 2009 Octave - All Rights Reserved
Mysteria
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Member Laureate
since 03-07-2001
Posts 19652
British Columbia, Canada


1 posted 06-19-2009 06:38 PM       View Profile for Mysteria   Email Mysteria   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Mysteria

I have always wondered why that song is mainly played on the piano or trombone until now.  It has given you the inspiration of a sold bittersweet write, one that is very vivid in your description, and use of metaphors.  I especially loved these lines, great job!
quote:
Sleekest, faintest, sweetest notes
Gliding through the air around
Drifting down my open throat
As my heart falls to hit the ground

Carpe' Diem,
Mysteria

kindredspirit
Member
since 05-19-2009
Posts 156


2 posted 06-20-2009 06:37 PM       View Profile for kindredspirit   Email kindredspirit   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kindredspirit

Amazing job! Your use of rhyming is exceptional, and I especially like how you tied it all together at the end!
 
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