How to Join Member's Area Private Library Search Today's Topics p Login
Main Forums Discussion Tech Talk Mature Content Archives
   Nav Win
 Main Forums
 Teen Poetry #9
 an unfinished life
 1 2 3 4
Follow us on Facebook

 Moderated by: Acies, Dopey Dope, SEA   (Admins )

 
User Options
Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Admin Print Send ECard
Passions in Poetry

an unfinished life

 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
Leanne <3
Member
since 08-25-2007
Posts 217
N.S.W, Australia


0 posted 06-15-2009 10:34 AM       View Profile for Leanne <3   Email Leanne <3   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Leanne <3

I'm not really sure about the flow of this poem or anything but it's all i could manage while trying to keep up with my thoughts. im open to any suggestions.


Three years they say
Is all Iíve got.
Three more years
To complete my plot

There go the dreams
Of settling down
Raising children
In my own home town

So many memories
That donít stand a chance
Ripped from underneath me
Decades in advance.

I will bid farewell
To my undiscovered love
Whisper my vowels
From the clouds up above

And as for my family
Who will grow old without me
I beg them to let me go;
And set themselves free

Only three years they say
And then I will be done
my heart will cross the finish line
Before my life's even begun.


Inside this exterior, over which the eye might have roved there was the record of a pulsing life, which had learnt too well for its years Ė Thomas Har
© Copyright 2009 Leanne Jenkins - All Rights Reserved
LittleWillow
Member
since 12-27-2007
Posts 54


1 posted 06-15-2009 12:23 PM       View Profile for LittleWillow   Email LittleWillow   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for LittleWillow

This is fantastic!
Although the only trouble im having with it, is..
Im not to sure with where it is going?
Or whats happening..

The rhyming is great though!
Well done!


xx
moonbeam
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 12-24-2005
Posts 2038


2 posted 06-15-2009 12:42 PM       View Profile for moonbeam   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for moonbeam

Little Willow, the speaker has a terminal heart disease and will die shortly.  Very sad, very well written. Good work, loved the ending.
wwzwlmd8
Member
since 09-23-2006
Posts 96
San Diego,CA


3 posted 06-15-2009 01:11 PM       View Profile for wwzwlmd8   Email wwzwlmd8   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for wwzwlmd8

my heart will cross the finish line love this part

~Indya

Leanne <3
Member
since 08-25-2007
Posts 217
N.S.W, Australia


4 posted 06-15-2009 10:00 PM       View Profile for Leanne <3   Email Leanne <3   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Leanne <3

thanks for the feedback guys,
Lee
 
 Post A Reply Post New Topic   Go to the Next Oldest/Previous Topic Return to Topic Page Go to the Next Newest Topic 
All times are ET (US) Top
  User Options
>> Main Forums >> Teen Poetry #9 >> an unfinished life Format for Better Printing EMail to a Friend Create a Greeting Card with this Poem
Print Send ECard

 

pipTalk Home Page | Main Poetry Forums

How to Join | Member's Area / Help | Private Library | Search | Contact Us | Today's Topics | Login
Discussion | Tech Talk | Archives | Sanctuary



© Passions in Poetry and netpoets.com 1998-2013
All Poetry and Prose is copyrighted by the individual authors